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GardenArtist, I appreciate your reply! You made me feel like I'm not losing my mind and verified I am correct on several points, which made me feel more secure.

As far as why my husband allows him to do this, well, it really all just came to surface within the last month. And my uncle is basically manipulating my husband against me. My uncle calls me when he knows my husband is not home, then I relay it to my husband, my husband confronts him and he downplays what was said. There has been friction between my Dad and my husband and I think my husband is worried that if he pisses my uncle off my uncle will run crying to my Dad. That they will gang up against him. And my Dad is very ill right now, so we are literally trying to not make any waves or cause any stress.

He agreed to building the cottage bc at the time we were told that my uncle needed it bc of his issues with walking. This was presented to us as a surprise, that instead of waiting until after his death for us to have the house he is wanting us to live in it now. The house is double the size of ours. And at that time my uncle had a different demeanor towards us. I think we were oblivious to his agenda. It changed when I voiced deviation from the plan HE made for us. Bc we are still planning to move, he has now become very controlling.

As far as me calling the police or him scaring my daughter, she was not present when these instances occurred. Trust me, I would've had a very different attitude if he pulled that stunt around my baby.

I did backtrack on the point of him being totally alone in the world but, I am looking at it from the perspective of is he going to drive my Dad nuts when we leave? My Dad has congestive heart failure on top of being HIV positive. I guess I really need to let my Dad deal with that, though.

I am realizing now that what I've allowed into my life and marriage is totally unacceptable and I really need to grow up and fix this mess. And I really don't think there is any "nice" way of going about it other than to let my uncle hate me until he dies.
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Babaloyu, I'm not sure what you mean?
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Wow, what a mess!

As a preface, it's difficult to read long posts without any paragraph breaks, so I had to skip over some sections or my older eyes will start crossing!

Unfortunately your husband has allowed himself, you and your child to be dragged into this spider web.

I think these are the crux of the issues.

1. It was a mistake to be trapped into building the house in the first place. If your husband has any contractual obligations on building the new house, he may have to find a way to get out of them or honor them. I'm thinking of permits he may have had to pull, architectural plans he developed and filed, things like that.

2. At the rate he's going, it will take months to finish the house. It's absolutely insane for him to be stretching himself so thin in building this house. Does he have contractors, subcontractors? If not, he needs to lay down the law and hire someone. If Uncle #1 doesn't like it, tough. Walk off the job. It’s ridiculous to be putting so much sweat equity into a house that apparently neither of you really want. Even if you did, the days of Pharoahs using forced labor to build pyramids are long over. Your husband doesn’t and shouldn’t have even undertaken this project.

3. Your husband has an obligation to you and your child, and if he ends up in a hospital with multiple stress and overwork injuries, or with a heart attack, stroke or other debilitating illness, he's not going to be able to fulfill those obligations.

4. I had trouble keeping the uncles straight but the bully is manipulative and aggressive, not to mention irresponsible in allowing such gross health problems to develop. Uncle #1 is also chauvinistic in thinking that your life is going to be spent taking care of him once he needs it.

5. Uncle #1 is a bully; he's gotten away with it BECAUSE IT WORKS. You're going to have to find the courage to stand up to him, even if you have to have professional therapy and/or counseling, get an injunction against him, or move, even if you have to move back to live with your own father, who does seem to have the guts to stand up to Uncle #1.

6. I question why your husband feels he needs to allow them to manipulate, bully, dominate and threaten YOU in the first place. There must be some unspoken factor for him to allow him to perpetuate such a domineering influence.

7. I do wonder though why your husband even agreed to this scheme. His first obligations are to you and your child.

8. " And if husband doesn't show uncle is on the phone chewing ME out for it. How did it even get to this?

Well, it got that way because either your and/or husband caved in to the uncles and allowed it to happen.

Don't take the uncle’s calls; if you don't have caller ID, get it, and don't answer when he calls. If he threatens, call the police.

9. There are some serious control and manipulation issues going on in this family. There are also some ambivalences, and the situation isn't going to be resolved without addressing these - you and your husband need to "be on the same page" and stop the manipulation and intimidation.

10. "he yells and talks over me waving his hands and slamming his fists onto whatever is near him." And you haven't called the police? What in the world is the matter with you? I wouldn't even allow this maniac in my house, let alone near my child.

11. "But, I feel like I can't walk away from him bc there is literally NO ONE to look after him." Read what you've written - you're waffling and backtracking. If you really feel this way, then your questions here are a waste of time to answer.

12. "He has made it clear if we do not accept the house and live in it until he's dead he will never speak to me again" This is the only positive thing I've read. So, stand up for yourselves, tell him you won't accept the house and thank God he won't speak to you again.
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Not sure where you live. Who in the government is charged with looking after elders with no family or resources?
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