I am in a "no win" situation, any advice?

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I think my mother just looks for something to complain about. Yesterday I started getting her up about 10am. She complained because she didn't feel good and I should have just let her sleep. This morning when I went to get her up she was snoring. Twice I decided just to let her sleep because she was "probaly" up most of the night since she slept all day yesterday. About 20 minutes after my last trip to look in on her she came dragging into the kitchen louldly complaining that "I was supposed to get her up".

What am I supposed to do?


I would ask her what time she wants to get up in the morning. If she gives you a time period, then ask her 'if you're sleeping soundly, do you still want me to get you up?' Let her be the judge, then when you do what she asks and she's still crabby, shake it off. It's her deal, not yours. At least when she complains to you as to what YOU did, you can remind her that it was HER idea. Just a little satisfaction there I guess.
If your mother is beginning to demonstrate signs of dementia, you might want to create a morning pattern for her to look forward to as well as one for the evening. As silly as this may sound,I created both patterns for my son who was ill,and he responded well. Also,my father and I had a routine we followed during the 8 months he was hospitalized and it seemed to bring both of us comfort. RLP
I'd write it down, the important stuff that is, routines and keep it close, make it a little board and show her she set such and such a time for this and that and if she says no she didn't...All you can do is distance yourself there will be no win there...
You say that maybe she just likes to complain, and that may well be the case.

But the one and only example that you give is actually - given her apparent limitations in understanding - a somewhat legitimate complaint. Since getting her up in the morning is a problem that's not going away soon, I would ask her clearly what she would like, and then write it down as well. Maybe make a little book of her chosen guidelines for her to read occasionally.

Of course, that might not work either. But at least you would both have a reference point for her recurrent complaints.
I would try these two statements: 1) I tried to wake you up but you were sleeping really hard
2) What is so important that you missed? Next time I will make sure I wake you up, so don't get mad.
by the way ...I do think they are up all night!
My advice is to detach yourself emotionally and maintain a psychological boundary that protects you from criticism yet still have love. I have found that my mom uses that sort of tactic to manipulate me and deflect any responsibility for herself. You will still try and get her up, it seems to me that when it doesn't work and she wants you to accept the blame for her. If a parent has always played the "blame game" as my mom has, you must find ways to ignore what she is trying to do. In my estimation there is a little emotional control she is trying to exert to keep you in line. I have loads of books that have helped me deal with this problem for the last 5 years. Still, it takes courage every day to love yourself as much as you love her! Good Luck, dianes
I say LET HER SLEEP! She's probably tired, and needs it. She probably isn't up all night, she just needs sleep. Don't feel bad when she blames you, you're the only one there so don't take it personal. Just laugh it off and go about your business. Find a funny movie, or comedy channel that you can watch to take your mind off all that jazz!
WOW... I agree with Pamela... Your mother is 98 and has Alzheimer's/dementia! I would just try to maintain a schedule to keep her 'regular' or on some kind of schedule.

You mentioned on your 'last trip to check in on her', PLEASE don't tell me that at 98 she is living on her own??? Maybe I misread that.. but if she is living on her own, I would seriously think about doing something about that. If she is getting her days and nights mixed up, there is no telling what else she is 'mixing up'.

OK.. I know it is difficult to hear her complain, but at least she is talking to you. Hand her a 'complaint form' so you can let 'management know of her wishes!

Put her in control of her day. Just have her request a 'wakeup call' or something FUN like that! Have some fun with this.

My mother would complain too, and I know that her 'days and nights were all mixed up, but I just told her that she had the 'day off' so time didn't matter. We can just have fun today!

God Bless

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