I'm starting to really lose it.

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I have been a private person most of my life coming and going as i please, now I have my mother walking in my room whenever ....even when I"m sleeping and it is really creepy!! I never got along with her and now I find myself living in Fla taking care of her. I try my best to keep up a nice attitude but I loose it alot when I get to many questions....where are you going...when you coming home....why why why!! She is not that bad yet but telling the cleanest women in the world to go take a shower, wash your hair, and change your clothes is frying my brain, what ever is left of it.I know it's only going to get worst but being down here from Philly, not having a job is starting to worry me. I also have had health issue since I have been here and I know it is from stress. I lost a lot of weight and when I tell her I need to gain weight because I'm so stressed out she says what are you stressed about?! Oh boy somebody help!


First.........If you never got along with your mother in the first place, why on earth did you move in with her? Even moving part way across the country. Also, know that she isn't acting this way on purpose to bug you. It's her dementia talking, not her. She isn't herself anymore and this is the new normal. You can't change the situation but you can change how you react to her. If it's this trying already, the future will only be worse. You seriously need to look into other arrangements. For her sake as well as yours.
We never recommend moving in with Mom for all the reasons you have experienced. Some help means professional care for her and your own life for you. Look into Assisted Living, some places are quite nice.
pinkzat, you had a similar issue when you posted back in June. You really need to make some changes as this situation will only get much worse, not better.

Just note that not all of us are cut out to be Caregivers, and there is nothing wrong with that. We all have different personalities and different barometers when it comes to having patience. And yes, stress will cause major health issues, I know, it happened to me and I am not even a hands-on in the same household caregiver. I cannot imagine what you are going through.

Get out a calendar and mark a date where you will be calling the Council on Aging and getting some advice on what to do, and calling Medicaid [if your mother qualifies] to see what options they have for either home care or continuing care facilities.
Do something to make arrangements for your mom. Caring for someone around the clock can be overwhelming. It's much more than people think. Don't weight until something drastic happens or her health suddenly changes.

I thought I acted as quickly as possible, but it still took a toll on my health. I lost tons of weight, which I don't really mind, but also had other health problems. It's like things just popped up suddenly due to the stress and anxiety. I had to have a root canal, see an orthopaedic doctor, suffered digestive issues, etc. Stress can do terrible things to your body.
Correction to above. I meant "WAIT" not Weight. lol
Thank you all for your feedback, wish you lived next door!!
I don't know what to do because she is not that bad but every day I see her failing more and more
pinkzat, not that bad? It has to be bad if you are starting to lose it. Don't let it ruin your health.... I found myself with breast cancer from the stress, as there were no other physical or heredity markers [reasons].
There are some very nice Assisted Living facilities that may meet her needs. Some offer suites that are like a studio apt., but their staff can administer their meds and help them pick out clothes or even assist with their baths if necessary. Meals are served in the dining room and snacks are delivered to the rooms. There are daily activities and live entertainment several times per week. They take trips for special outings and have time to socialize everyday, play cards, sit outside. They even transport to and from doctor appts. It's ideal for someone who just isn't able to handle those things anymore.

If your mom needs it, there are places that are more hands on too. Has your mom had any kind of an evaluation to see what her needs are?

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