I'm ready to jump!

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Mom, 92, living with me for over 10 years and not the easiest person to get along with. Everything is a battle and it's getting worse as I feel there is a bit of dementia slipping in. Mom is having trouble taking her meds correctly and I'm trying to step in but she's being resistant. I feel as though she knows she's slipping and is being combative because of it. Major blow out last night over stupidity like blaming me for her blood pressure being high. I provide her with a nice, comfortable home and yes, she gives me rent money, and why shouldn't she? But she begrudges everything I do from taking vacations to going to the casino, to having a boyfriend and getting my nails done. you name it. She's bitter and miserable through and through. I work all day and never know what I'm walking into when I get home. I have 3 useless brothers and absolutely no outside support whatsoever. I'm at my wit's end trying to tiptoe around her everyday. I can't enjoy my home or my life. I'm 60 and God knows I don't have that many good years left, and meanwhile she is sucking the life out of what I do have. I look forward to the day I can put her in a home. I am so miserable.


Just make sure you have a written rental agreement or Medicaid will consider the rent a gift and impose a penalty. Be sure you show the rent on your tax return. A way around that is to create a "cost sharing" type of agreement where you are splitting expenses. Keep good records, because Medicaid and VA look back five years on financials.
Bittersweet, hang in there. Glad you are able to step back and articulate your situation with self control and objectivity. You are doing a great job. Pamstegma has a good insight on the rental agreement too. Go do your nails and have a blessed day off soon.
Bittersweet, it's good to vent and this is the right place to do it. God bless you. You've done a LOT taking care of Mom the last 10 years while your brothers have skated. It's frustrating to all get out when no one will help and Mom has become miserable and bitter.
Oops didn't finish my comment. It's little consolation to realize that at 92 yrs old, Mom's behaviors won't get better but worse. Depending on how much dementia has set in, I'm sure your Mom knows the end of her life is getting nearer. At 92, I'd probably be miserable and crabby too. Everything hurts, your body is not doing what you'd like it to do and every day is a struggle. You are doing a great job. Pamstegma is correct. If your looking into finding a nursing facility, Medicaid will look at ALL of your Mom's assets with a fine tooth comb. My advice is to work with an excellent elder law attorney.

Take time for yourself. If Mom can't be alone, hire someone for a few hours or get one or more of your brothers to come and "visit" for an hour or two. You need to take care of YOU.
10 years! Of course, you're ready to jump by now, especially if it is just you and her. I have a feeling our parents don't want to live with us anymore than we want to live with them. We're pushed together by necessity. I thought of how nice it would be if they and we could still have our own lives, like college roommates sharing space. But there is the alone-ness when spouses die, friends fade away, and family doesn't visit. The caregiving child can become the only one there. I have a feeling that it would be different if we were not so alone.

My mother and I had serious problems when I tried to help with her medications. It was a major control issue with her. I had to take charge, though, because she was not taking them right and overdosing often. Something that worked with us is that I set the doses out in bottles for her every day, then she takes them under her own accord, instead of me handing them to her. That way I make sure she is getting things right without challenging her sense of control. You might be able to think of a similar method that will work with your mother.

For now, it sounds like you need to head off to a warm beach by yourself for a few days. Be sure to stop by here and pick me up on your way there! Margueritas on the beach sound mighty good.
I'm sorry my love, but I've noticed some individuals in this forum tend to blame it on dementia when trying to figure out why their parents behave in seemingly erratic yet manipulative and purposeful ways. Your mom might actually be sharp as a tack. My grandmother died at the age of 104 with her wits intact and strong enough to chase me around the house and slap the taste out of my mouth if I dropped my guard and let her sneak up on me.

The only one losing her mind is you, so talk with your brothers. Maybe she can spend her rent money at their place and make their lives miserable for a change. I'm not suggesting kicking her a__ to the curb, for just the fact that she spat you into this world and pays rent gives her a bloated sense of entitlement. If she can't clean up her act and respect you in your own home, then she's living in the wrong place.

Correction: I meant "but the fact that she spat you into this world ..."

if her mother had only spat , Bittersweet wouldnt BE in this world , if ya wanna be real technical about it .

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