I'll be the first to admit that caregiving is NOT my strong suit. I didn't ASK to do it, and due to my Dad's bad decisions, I've been stuck with the task with a VERY resentful heart. However, I do my best to insure that he has the best care - much to my own detriment.
Anywho, I never know when to intervene when Dad gets on his rants or when to chalk it up as him being a grumpy old man with dementia.
Dad goes to an Adult Day Center a couple days a week and part of their service includes a less-than-professional driver. In his defense, he could command double the rate the VA pays him to transport the vets, but I don't think that's an excuse for his lack of professionalism.
Over the past two years, Dad has complained (much of which I brushed off) about this man "yelling" at him or "not helping him," etc. I know that Dad can exaggerate things, but I have had personal experience with this guy and on more than one occasion he's promised to pick Dad up and never showed up, come over an hour early to pick up Dad (and Dad feels rushed), or most recently, sent me a text at 4:30 in the morning to let me know he would not be picking up Dad THE SAME DAY due to his son's graduation. So... he didn't know in advance his son was graduating?
So, after this last incident, I called the VA coordinator and NICELY made her aware of my concerns. True to protocol, she called the driver and the director of the Adult Day Center (who I've made aware of these issues SEVERAL times and asked him to intervene) to get additional info.
Well, she just called me back and gave me this whole speech about how "hard it is" for this driver. How the driver was "just trying to be a good dad and had to choose between work and his kid because he can't find any reliable drivers to help..." She further encouraged me to talk to the driver directly to get a better understanding of who he is because he was "so nice" on the phone. Her final recommendation: don't get caught up in your Dad's exaggerations....
OK... am I being sensitive here? I didn't call and yell. I wasn't ugly about anything. I just asked the lady to check into my story. Did I mention that she stated that this wasn't the first time she got complaints about this driver, but no one else is willing to drive for the VA reimbursement rate,
Wait, she did suggest that I move Dad to another facility with better transportation options. GREAT! I'll uproot a dementia patient and take him away from his friends to make up for the rude driver!!!
My blood is boiling right now. I never know when to intervene or just pass Dad off as a grumpy old man. Yes, he exaggerates and I can normally read through that, but I FEEL like there's this perception of me that I'm a B**TCH.
So am I being a helicopter daughter? Where's the line?