I'm losing it.
So the caregiver that went yesterday said she found a burnt napkin in the kitchen (meaning my dad caught something on fire) and a soda can cut in half? wth? The ultrasound done on my dad yesterday showed he has a hernia (and I mean a giant one). He sleeps 20 hours a day or just lays there with his eyes closed. Im loosing hope, I'm going to see an assisted living place today. I feel everything is futile and that my dad is slipping further away. I wish this was easier. Feeling pulled in so many directions. I'm drinking a bottle of wine a night and waking up in a panic at 4am and reaching for the Xanax just to get the extra hour or two of sleep before I have to get up to come to a job I can't do because of the worry about my dad. It just seems impossible right now.