I'm done and think a home is now is the only option!


I cant do this anymore as ive been on here typing my mum threw another trantrum and just stormed off to bed banging doors etc... I know she is bored and takes this out on me but im done i cant live like this anymore i want my life back.

She wont go to respite so i can have a break even though its free?
she refuses to let me take control of her meds which is dangerous as shes not taking them.
She wont wash much and pees all over the place.
She cant cook anymore as shes left stuff on the hob
She wont eat unless im here
She wont go to daycare
she wont go to doctors
she wont allow me POA
she is becoming more and more aggressive and im finding this scary

Do you think its time for her to go into a home now as i just cant cope alone anymore.

In january the nurse said they would get her a carer to come in everyday for her meds but this has not happened.
we have a carer who comes 3 times a wk and does nothing as mum wont
let her?
She will not cooperate with anyone carers OR me
Im sick in my stomach with anxiety as i feel this is it i cannot do this anymore i want to be her daughter again and see her when i can and get her the helpy al she needs to stay alive.
She wont let anyone care for her so why do i bother she is becoming a handful and im so tired i cant stop crying.

I want this to end now and soon my caregiving days are over I just cant live like this, everyday is a row over something to do with her care and she just wont cooperate.

I need to talk to family and tell them its a NH or i leave.

In oct i have a courtcase which will be the first time in 5yrs i will have the money to leave and do something with my life ive realised now that im wasting my time being her caregiver as shes going to get worse she was always an unhappy woman and she will get more bitter,angry etc i cant make her happy so i think its only fair that shes in a NH where her needs are met as if this continues like this she will die.
She has diabetes has been told to excersise or she will lose her use of legs but she just dosnt care.

I am just drained and want a bit of peace in my life its no life with no support or family to help out.

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Kazzaa, your caption says "Im done and think a home is now is the only option!" I'm agreeing with you. Be done, and get Mom placed in a home. I'm not telling you to walk away. I'm telling you to do what you say needs to be done. Continue to love her, visit her, and advocate for her. I would very, very rarely think that "walkng away" was a good solution. But continue to do the 24/7 hands-on caregiving up-close-and-personal is not always the best solution, either.

You deserve a life.

Blujean thanks! Mum was scary tonight she kept staring at me then just jumped up and hurled abuse then stormed off to bed i dont react anymore she HATES me on the internet i dont react or say anything as i dont want to make it worse i just ignore her most of the time its the only way unless shes in good form?
Shes sleeping alot more also which i think is not good i know she wants to die but i never approach this with her ive found choco wrappers all over her bedroom and i didnt buy them so she must be buying behind my back sometimes i think shes trying to kill herself with the diabetes she very well could.
You get so drained that you just want them to do whatever it is they want so you can have a bit of me time? If wed have behaved this way as toddlers she would have hit us with a shoe!!
Your post is sad but funny and describes this well yes shes getting bored and its my fault. She was a good mum although never happy but she wouldnt have ever wanted to end up this way its so unfair shes had a hard life and she should go in peace now as her life was not a happy one and i cant do anything about

Oh yeah, if someone else can't stay there because you don't have the funds to leave YET. Then, take her to a relative's house "for a few days". Do what you have to and tell the relative you have some business to attend to that's urgent. It works better than someone coming to your house & sees you there and thinks that you are back on the clock, so they don't end up doing anything for her (because they think you owe her since you live there). Hoping & praying for you! ('Cause Lord knows, you need it)! Take care, love! blou

Oh Kazza, This is scary! Listen to your instincts. When irritation has escalated to "combativeness" or aggression, person can misinterpret any action to help on your part as a perceived threat and act out defensively. Stay calm. Breathe & slow down. If Mom is very agitated you will not get anywhere. Whatever you can do to calm her must be done first. You may have to take a walk yourself. If making you both calm means doing nothing, then do nada. Whatever needs to be done, the first thing is always to "DO NO HARM". I mean, if it keeps her from getting to the point of scaring you w/ her aggression, don't do it. It's time to get the help she needs elsewhere & there are people who are trained for things of this nature. I know it's difficult. Can someone stand in for you if you suddenly had to take off for a week? You already know what you need to do. You definitely need some time away to even plan things out for Mom's care if you are the only one doing everything. I left for a week-end and Dad wanted to "feed the dogs" for me. "Ah, a sense of purpose and alone time again", I imagined he thought. He seemed to relish the idea. When I returned, he called my sis to come get her. He was packed & ready to leave again! Seems that he gets bored easily & wants continual entertainment. Soon as one gig is up, he wants the next thing immediately. Then, the next ....etc. It's fine while your stamina lasts. But, God forbid you should become tired, hungry, or stressed out. Kaz, you just cannot keep her happy all the time & it is not your fault. We that do this or have done this can say "we did our best " as long as we were effective. Not everyone can say that. That is important for me because no matter what anyone else thinks of the care I gave, I know, I did my best. I can live with that the rest of my life. We are going to get our life back. So, it will be sooner than we thought. So what? You can be happy and free to face the life that's ahead of you! Go for it! blou

Yes JGIBBS twice ive seen your posts to me in the past and youre only support is to walk away even though TWICE i politely told you i have no money skint broke flat out there is no money in my pocket????????? do you understand where i am coming from because i find your support?? useless. I have looked after and cared for my mum on my own now for five years and if i cannot afford to leave here she will go into a home and i will stay in her house until i am ina position to leave i havnt nearly killed myself to care for her to end up on the streets and have no intention of making my life any harder. So i do hope this is going in this time that i dont have the option of walking away. You sound like you dont understand something here OR my moaning is actually annoying you.

JGIBBS me walking away is not an option today yesterday or tomorrow as im blue in the face saying it I have nowhere to go YET?

Walk away and WHAT sleep in the street? No i go when i can afford it and when my mums safe. If my posts bore you then dont read them because i think youre only solution is to "walk away" and thats not always easy i think the main point im trying to make here is mum is getting worse and she needs a home.

JB havnt seen you on here for awhile? good to see you again! I know you have same diagnosis with Vascular and diabetes mum wont eat right so the worse she eats worse her moods get and so on and so on until she has a stroke OR heart attack its very scary sh*t this like just looking at someone slowly lose thier mind everyday and theres nothing we can do.

I just want peace to wake up and not worry anymore to have her die peacefully in her sleep but thats never going to happen so i may prepare for the worst. With all thier issues i think aggression is the one thing that wakes you up to this illness her eyes dilate and shes looking like a madwoman.

JB you must keep your mums diet ok or does she too behave like this? if mum walked and ate better her moods would be better? when she was in NH at xmas she was perkier and alot healthier but said she hated it there and never was she going there again.

Kazzaa, I don't really understand why you are still there. If memory serves (and, alas, it frequently doesn't) didn't you post similar things in the past? That you couldn't take it any more? I think it is really and truly time for you to retire from the full-time caregiving role, and sign up to be the loving visiting daughter.

Captain I didnt take it as bad and i know you are right as my friend said same that this will get easier as to her aggression. i can understand you drinking as im often tempted but saturday i had too much wine and a bad hangover on sunday never again too old for that crap ok so i mixed rose with red bad idea!

My head feels like a "bag of frogs" right now so much crap in my life and i never get a break why do bad things happen to good people?

Thanks guys i need to get things moving here as my friend says put her name down for NH at least!

When my friends mum hit her over the head with a curtain rail she was in NH the next day!

Ive hidden all dangerous weapons and will wear a combat suit to bed!! I know this is not funny but its how i cope.

Im now going to take 2 stilnoct and knock myself out a good sleep is what i need and tomorrow may be brighter?

If the road to longevity is dementia/alzheimer, give me the short road to just enough quality of life to eventually journey home.

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