I'm 23 shes 87 and been her caregiver for five years..

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I don't want my gma in a home but she's driving me crazy. I've been living with her since my GPA passed away five years ago. I've put my life on hold for her.. I couldn't even do online college because she would throw fits while I would take test demanding my full attention, I almost failed that semester. I've had one job and I'm not working now.. when you go to find a job and they ask why have you not worked? It doesn't look good. She's English and grew up during the war in England.. she had a horrible first marriage to a drunk for almost 20 years until he killed his self. But she also had a wonderful marriage with my GPA for 47 years and he was a one of a kind Jewl of a man. Since he's been gone she's been miserable. She talks about wanting to die everyday almost.. were Christians and I understand she's ready to go on to a better place but its depressing hearing it all the time. She's angry all the time and rude she mentally and emotionally abuses everyone. Mostly me, I'm always here. When I was younger j would get upset cry be totally beside myself when we would fight, she was the world to me.. we've had so many fights that have been so crazy AMD ridiculous its hardened me and now I just get mad. Ex. Once she kicked me out because I made peas instead of beans for dinner saying im trying to run her house!!! That's the kinds of ridiculous all the time. She throws fits of rage and justifies it with she's old. That if I remember anything she ever says I have stinking thinking for remembering but its ok if she's does... I got a yr break when a family member stepped in and I moved out got a job was normal for once.. that member lasted two weeks w/o me.. I was stuck in a lease but I still came over cleaned did Dr visits and shopped etc. My lease was up and me and fiance moved in until we get our own place again.. im pregnant and we've been waiting for our house to be delivered for almost 4 months.. I'm seven months pregnant and she's driving me crazy.. our relationship is tainted. I wish we enjoyed eachother but she's constantly putting mecalling me names screaming at me throwing fits accusing me of things and right after all fights she has me make coffee and says how long you gonna be mad get over it, I am.. like it just happened!! Then says I have stinking thinking because I remember the stuff shesays. It's like a mental facility here. It'ssstressful and stressing me is stressing my baby and I'm not happy about that.. Idk what to do but she's dug her self a hole. Out of five kids a brother and two sisters no one talks to her or wants to help she's burned bridges with the entire family with her ways.. and pushes me away every day. I stick around thru the abuse and keep on but its taken a toll and I'm done.. sadly when our house does arrive she has to go into a home. :(


Oh and my gma can't do barely anything for herself. She's getting worse and worse.. she only stays in her room now can't make a box dinner and I wait in her hand and foot all day everyday only to hear how mean I am how were not friends she don't like me I'm a liar I'm this and I'm that.. I can litterally be cleaning poop off the floor while Shea yelling how mean I am.. its too much and I can't stand her
Your are way too young for this. Where are your grandmother's children? She sounds like she needs to be in a home and needs some medicine for depression. Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Does anyone in the family have durable and medical POA for her?
She lies to Dr says she don't have any problems never tells them she's depressed or has anger issues.. trying to get her checked for any diseases is out of the question. I think she does tho because she can't remember stuff she says litterally 15 seconds after saying it. If I remind her than I'm critical.
And no one else can be around her longer than a day or two without running for the hills.. two of her kids have so so tried but it never lasts
It is extremely sad that one of the casualties of this situation is your relationship with your once beloved grandmother.

Move out as soon as your home is ready. Give your parents and her other children notice that you will now be focussing on your new family. You cannot take care of a new baby and grandmother also, and they'll have to find another solution. Stick to this decision!

It sounds like the solution is going to be for GMA to be placed where she can be taken care of. Or possibly her children can arrange in-home care, but that seems less likely to me. Either way, you can once again take up the role of loving granddaughter who visits when convenient and shows off her awesome new baby. You should not be the caregiver. I hope when you leave this impossible caregiving role you can get back to the loving relationship you once had.
Thank you. I wish our relationship was back the way it once was too.. if our house don't come soon I don't know what ill do if I have to bring my baby to my gmas house. It's hard.
One thing you can do is to write a letter to her doctor. He can't tell you anything without her consent, but he can listen to your reports of her behavior. Give him specific examples of what she does and says.

If she gets on the right medication, you may get your grandmother back again, at least a little. Good luck.
God bless you.
I would not bring a baby into an abusive environment like with your grandmother's. Until she gets some medical help for her depression and anger problems, she will do nothing but resent the baby for taking your attention away from her. If she does not get medical help for her anger problems, then raising a child in that environment would be abusive itself.

If your grandmother's children which I assume includes either your mom or dad cannot put up with her, then why should you? They need to step up and have the woman taken to the doctor for a full evaluation and placed in a home where she can be safe, and looked after by trained professionals. Tell them you are done and when your last day will be for you, need to get on with your life, education and find a job. I wish you the best in dealing with this mess.

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