I was about 3 years ago, I was a house manager, which was also involving caregiving.

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One of the women, as this was a house that the husband and wife rented rooms out month by month to people. She is 33 years old, and I have known her for 6 months. I do not want to appear negative, but it is hard to tell a story without the truth.
She unfortunately has Cerebral Palsy Ataxia (I do not know that much about it, other than the unsteady gait, the tremors, and that it is something that she probably got while her mother was pregnant.

She just moved in 1 year ago, and I have been assisting the current house manager as to how to rent rooms, etc. hence, this woman and I have developed an acquaintance. No caregiving.

There are many odd parts to this story, and honestly in my mind do not add up.

The mother of this 33 year old woman, now has told me that she does not want her daughter back The reason she kicked her out was "tough". That came about when the daughter, clearly is not able to hold down a job, and make about $400.00 per month just to put her head on a pillow. The rent at this house is $600.00 per room, and I know the landlord has allow me to basically write off 1/2 of the rent, as he owns the house.

She was working, and never showed up for work.

She did know when to get a Doctors note not to get fired.
, as I said was the House Manager (I am in the process of training another person to focus more on my other positions), and was caring for another woman at the time, but this woman was very much alone, (the 33 year old with CP - Ataxia) and of course being in the compassionate field of caregiving, we all have huge hearts.

This woman has many negative issues, so I found a hospital and she was admitted into their Behavioral Health Unit for one week.

I know that everyone appreciated that, as her constant demand for others, and the needs that she has, the way she goes about it, the lying, the excuses, the overuse of medications, not knowing what is truth or false, etc.

What I am wondering is this? Could someone educate me on this, as I have read much about it, and do not know if this is normal common behavior for someone with this, or is this something that she is very capable of doing.

Unfortunately she, at times will drink alcohol.

Why am I involved. The mother does not want to talk to anyone in the house, and says do not send her home (as I said about 6 hours away), her father passed away early, and honestly, this is not my problem nor my issue, but, my DNA is a woman with compassion and knowing the difference between honestly caring, and showing someone a different approach, vs. enabling, and I feel I am merely educating myself.

How, and where can I find some assistance through the cerebral palsy Ataxia Center or is there such a thing, and are these symptoms, or is there a lot that is being stated or created because of the disability. She has admitted she is lazy, she lies, and she does nothing but lay in bed when she has any chance she can get. That is absolutely true. She has a door with a lock, and always is sleeping.

I have been the manager of this house, and am/was in charge of rent, and she has been for the past 6 months incapable of working enough hours for rent? I am not the Landlord, but before he steps in, the compassionate me in the world, would like to know more about this Disease, and how to assist her. He is in the process of evicting her, and is an Attorney, and I really want to stay out of that part.

I have very few precious hours left in my 24 hour days and she is starting to text me all of the time, with "hi", and then that is it. She is always slurry with her words, and my question is at 33, how can se be living independently, and it is unknownn why her mother feels that tough love was the best. I have to remember and be sensitive to the family that she belongs to that has pretty much abandoned her. Please note, this is for me to be educated, and yes we as caregivers all have hearts, and for some reason those with issues, mental or physical seem to fall on our laps, and I know in my case, I was kind to her. Simply nice, and that was something foreign to her.

I became a caregiver because my mother fell ill to Alzheimer's Disease. That is one that many of us know well.

I guess it is, or I would like to know as much as I can for this woman as she has many psychological issues as well and I am not sure if they are from CP = Ataxia. She lives in Washington State, and I know online there are many support groups, but is there a way, someone can jump start me on anything I can offer her as far as advice. I just cannot allow someone with this unfortunate situation to really take up tons of time, and please understand I am not being selfish when I state that both my mother and father are days away from leaving this world, and I told her I would just type this on agingcare.com.

As caregivers, we need (and I know all too well), when to stop and realize that too much is too much.

Thank you with love for all that understand.

5 Comments

If you want to help her, call Adult Protective Services in your area and explain that this woman is in the process of being evicted, has CP with ataxia, no family and cannot live alone. Hopefully, they will open a case file and investigate.

Other than being compassionate, which I can tell you are, her situation is above your pay grade. It sounds as if you have a full plate with your job, training a replacement for your house manager duties and, most important of all, helping your parents.
Maggie, please read my note that I sent to you to clarify "above my pay grade". Thank you and I wish you a great day!

Yes, I have been told Compassion is in my DNA.
I'm sorry that you took my choice of words as an insult. I couldn't think of a more succinct way to express my thoughts that this woman has more problems than one person without resources can handle. Besides compassion and understanding, what more can we do except to hook someone like this up with the plentiful resources that go along with state or Federal aid.

You say you can't allow her to take up "tons of time." You have a full-time job apart from your responsibility to train someone at the part-time job you have. You have two parents who are dying.

Getting this woman hooked up with people who can help her monetarially, who can provide professional counseling, who can bring powerful resources to bear to help her as she moves closer to eviction would seem to me to be the most compassionate action of all.

Again, I am sorry you took offense at 'above your pay grade.'
Not an insult, just to better inform you of who I am.

Yes, I have begun to do that. What is interesting however, is I am missing pieces to the puzzle, and in reality, she now has zero friends here, because of their issues, they do not want to be in public.

Thanks for the support however.

Well said, Maggie, very well written.

LLF, I think there are times when the caregiving instinct is as in your case tremendously helpful and there are times when the situation is so complex that it is beyond a caring person's reach to intervene beyond attempting as Maggie suggests to connect her/him with appropriate resources.

If you want to learn about ataxia, I think the best solution is online research; I've only seen this mentioned a few times here on the forum, so it might be a long shot to connect here with someone with experience in that.

It seems this woman has been on a downward spiral for sometime; that's more than you could possibly help with w/o becoming enmeshed in her problems.

I get the impression that she also is not able or wiling to help herself, whether from the ataxic physical disabilities having become overwhelming or b/c of her personality, background, or other issues.

This is beyond your control - the best help you can give her is to remain supportive but somewhat detached before she latches onto you - i.e., the texting. And by the way, given her financial situation, how does she pay for a wireless device with texting capabilities? Is she getting disability payments?

Consider facilitation and connection with help the best you can give this woman.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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