I think the emotional stress of losing my mother is still affecting me and perhaps I’m not ready for a major move to a new state at this time. I need your advice.

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Well I took a road trip to the state I was thinking of moving to. Drove 2 days. I have 3 days of appointments to look at apartments. So now that I am here, I am not sure I want to move and start all over again! All the hassles of moving, etc. the landscape here is beautiful, cost of living is cheaper. But I am struck by the fact that I don’t know a single soul here. And I can’t say that I want to move. Or that I have the energy to do it. And I’m rethinking if I want to live in the city. Starting to think I want a quieter life. And since I’ve been a renter, I’d like to have my own place, maybe buy a condo or mobile home. I think the emotional stress of losing my mother is still affecting me and perhaps I’m not ready for a major move to a new state at this time. Maybe after a good nights rest I’ll be thinking clearer in the morning. I really need some advice. Thanks.


Bloom, go with your gut feeling.

I know how you feel about moving. Back when I was married, my hubby was always on the move with his company. Nothing like moving cats from one place to another :P Quickly finding a new place to live. Finding new doctors, new dentist, new hairdressers, and finding your way around.

If you find yourself still on the fence after seeing what housing is available, you could try to think of this as a new exciting adventure. That is what hubby and I did.

As for finding new friends, volunteer work is a great way of doing that :)
Just enjoy the trip for its own sake, and don't sign anything. Worst than can happen is you've seen somewhere pretty and had a look at what's on the market. Best case scenario: you walk into a place and know it's perfect - if it really is, you'll know.

And you're right, things always do look better in the morning. Get a good night's sleep :)
((((bloom)))) it is generally recommended that a person who has gone through a significant loss not make any major changes for a year at least. I have found that to be good advice. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your mother while slowly and gently reintroducing yourself to your new life.

Enjoy your trip. Maybe make another one back there later on. Explore the community you are in for opportunities that interest you - the usual take a course, volunteer, join a group, get a dog and walk it...

Be kind to yourself. It takes time, tears, toil (the work of grief) and talk ( expressing yourself) to heal. Time only works if you do the others. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are. Blessings
It hasn't been a year yet since your mom passed away, right? Why do you feel you need to move right now? Nothing says you have to sign anything. Look around, then come back to your current home and just let the idea sit. See how you feel. You can still move a month from now or six months from now or never. Nothing is pushing you to move right now except some idea you have in your head. Just change that idea. Tell it to wait for a while...until you're ready. You may never be ready, which is just fine. Go back home and see how that feels. Does it feel good to be back in the safety of what you know or do you still itch for something different? Just let those feelings sit for a while.
Well, just an update. I am back home. I spent 4 days roaming the city that I want to move to and checking out apartments. I freaked out the first day when I posted this topic. Second day I was fine. I really like the area. Very manageable, a whole lot less traffic and congestion than where I currently live. I really enjoyed being there and like it very much. So I am back home now. The memories of my mom are all around me here, I really don't like it here. When I was out of state I felt better, nothing to remind me of my mothers suffering and passing. If I move, it wont be till March or April, which is one year from my moms passing. Death is not easy. If my mom were an emotionally stronger person and not suffering from depression all her life and had a religious belief of some sort to help her accept her death, than I would feel better. But she so wanted to live and had no belief or hope of an "afterlife" of some sort. That saddens me because her last two months were a struggle for her. In any case, I really don't want to be in this city where I have lived for 45 years. My whole life has been doing things I never enjoyed or wanted to do. A career chosen by my mother, one I had no ability for and didn't enjoy. Living here in this city which I never liked from day one. And my moms emotional hold and control on me because she had no one else. So now, it's my turn to choose the life I want to live. It's still a foggy issue, but I am gaining more clarity on what I want to do. But I still need to clarify why I want to move. I know one reason is to leave the bad memories behind. To move to a nicer area, less expensive, etc. Well, any advice is most welcome.
I am an impulsive person by nature so as soon as my health allowed, I took off from the negative area of my life. For about 6 months, i worked and traveled in Euope and Asia. You get that feeling of excitement due to experiencing a new place, then it fades away after a while. No one can tell you what to do with your life or how to feel but the "newness" wears off and your back to where you started but alone. I would seriously look at your actions and emotions before making a decision.
The thing about memories is that they go with you wherever you are. Well, at least until the dementia sets in...
That's very good advice tacy022. I will think about what you said. The other issue is I have nothing where I presently live either. Family is all gone, friends have died, my career ended. I feel like a stranger where I live. I have a couple of friends 25 miles north of me, but other than that, I am alone here, after 45 years of living here. So true, if I move, I am still alone. So that's what I am weighing, trying to clarify my feelings.
True, memories are always with us. I did have moments of sadness when visiting my potential new home. Also, I should mention, I've been wanting to leave where I live now, for several years. And wanting to move back to where I grew up before my mother got sick. So it's a long standing wish of mine. But also, I realize there might be a desire to escape my present life. A wish for something better. I don't know how to simply accept and appreciate the life I have now and the home I have now. I am grateful for what I have, grateful on a daily basis, but I am always pushing myself for more and better. I have this ridiculous feeling that I need to improve myself, all the time. Either my internal life, or trying to live in a nicer place. The place I have now is a dumpy vintage apartment, all I really want is a nice modern apartment.
bloom - you will have moments of sadness where ever you are for quite a while. My father died over 40 years ago and I still feel it sometimes.

Maybe you don't need to improve yourself as much as you feel you need to, but to accept yourself as you are for now. I am not suggesting that personal growth stop permanently, but give yourself a break from the self analysis! 

It is healthier to move towards something rather than just escaping something. I see, even in this short time, you are feeling your feelings and evaluating your situation, and I think that is good, Aiming at a nice modern condo or apartment sounds great as a start. I, myself, am contemplating a change and finding as I slowly move through stages of figuring it out, what I want, what is good for me, and what is reasonably possibly is becoming clearer. I started with an idea and am modifying it as I go along through the planning process.

Be aware that grieving is a rollercoaster ride. You may want to seek out a grieving group. Others will understand what you are going through. Certain times hit harder than others. 3 months 6, 9 and a year as well as special occasions like birthdays and holidays. You need to look after you. ((((((hugs)))))

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