Today I stepped back.

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I'm not sure what's going on with my posts lately. For the past couple of days, my questions have disappeared.


I had to share a small victory with everyone. As you know, my father and I have a dangerously codependent relationship, but with therapy and a support group, I've been making strides to "break the ties"


Today Dad was complaining (again) about not getting the food he wants in the dining room. I know that dementia does affect communication abilities, but Dad is NOT that far gone. Instead, he's used to me stepping in and doing everything for him.


According to him, he will ask for a hamburger for lunch and the staff will bring him ... a hamburger (HAHAHA!) with just bread and meat. In the past, I would have made calls and tried to adjust Dad's care plan and get all wound up (and resentful) about taking work time to solve the great sandwich disaster.


Today, I didn't do that. I championed Dad and told him "I bet if you tell them exactly what you want on your sandwich it will taste better..." I got silence and then about 10 repetitions about how the staff can't cook. I stayed calm and kept repeating "You can do this. All you have to do is ask..."


It took a while, but he finally said he will try that.


Sure, it's not hard for me to intervene, but Dad has NO problem telling ME what he wants. He can do that with the staff, and I don't have to rush in and save the day on everything.


For a change, it felt good to not put that pressure on myself. Baby steps...

7 Comments

Yipee. I celebrate your victory! Baby steps grow into giant steps! One day you will be co-dependent no longer.
Good job. Keep your resolve going. Give yourself a little treat for each victory (a chocolate, a new pair of earrings, etc.)
Dear Tinyblu,

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I'm glad you persisted and made this progress today. I know its hard, but I'm glad you kept at it. Sending you a high five and hugs!
There you go!
This has been a problem for me too, bc sometimes Dad is afraid of making the staff mad by asking for a hamburger. And sometimes he's not -- It's so hard to tell when his dementia is problem or when he just wants me there taking care of things ...like you.
Go Tiny!
Great job!
That's awesome!!

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