I really want out.

Follow
Share

Today's just a rotten day. Abusive ex left me again (fine by me), I worry all the time about money (how can you get a job when mom needs you daily for hours for social time and companionship), etc. Mom moved here at my suggestion across the street in 2010. I've had it. She has gone downhill, is not the mom I remember. She is selfish, a closet narcissist (well I kinda remember that part), she's got clinical dementia now, she is HOARDING.... and I garage sale on weekends to buy and sell for the SOLE PURPOSE of paying my household bills and I JUST cut it doing that.... and of course she's alone in the world which she reminds me of DAILY except for me, so she comes and LIGHT UP buying crap she doesn't need so I guess I am enabling.

Today, I went over there to say hey let's get maybe 10 of your 3,000 knick knacks on board for the garage sale I want to have. She fought me, argued, said it's "all she has left" I said that's on YOU, mom. Everyone has problems, everyone is lonely but you refuse to make friends.

She said she doesn't WANT STRANGERS and THREATENED to sell the house and move again. I am DPOA over everything but what good is that when they threaten to sell.

I'm so sick of it I half wish she would sell and go. She's got about 400 silk flowers in there, 150 stuffed animals, and 300 candleholders. It's awful. Great stuff but it's AWFUL. She said, "It's MY house, I am here alone, and get out if you don't like it...."

I know you guys have told me she really CAN sell without a guardian, but dammit with a dementia diagnosis (she's on Namenda) can she REALLY? Tell you what, I am not making a damn phone call to a realtor. I'm so SICK of all of this. Then the GUILT card being played. I should feel guilty. No way. I don't. I'm over all of this.

Just a vent.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
17

Comments

Show:
I don't know what stage of dementia she is in. I do know that I put a chicken pot pie from Boston Market on her cold stovetop last night and an hour later she called telling me someone took it. whew..... looked high and low, no pie. Well it turned up somehow in her pantry by the washer. She has no recollection of putting it there and blew it off to me saying, "well, I go in the pantry a lot. I may have not known what it was (it was in a cardboard box) and just set it there. can we still eat it?" I'm like, NO we can't eat it! It's been out for a full day! She says well it's cooked chicken... I said no no no... throw it out. I have no idea what stage she is in, but it is vascular so the next low peak I will be calling the doctor.
Just worries me she and I looked for it for an hour last night and she had no idea where it was, and she put it there!
(0)
Report

Do you know what stage of dementia she is in? She may be at the point where she needs full time care. If you can't do it, she may need to be in a NH. I don't agree with the other posters here that she is just trying to control you. With dementia, she is losing mental capacity. She is most likely afraid and confused, and letting her fend for herself may result in the house burning down with her in it. Take care of yourself, but see that she gets the care that she needs, also, whether it's from you or from someone else. Good luck and hugs.
(0)
Report

Nikki,

I am no pro. I'm not in your position (yet), but I know it's coming. My mom lives directly behind me. She's mean, and she is a hoarder. My dad is still alive, too, and they are still together.

After reading your original post, I have decided I will not let my mother control me, which will be EXTREMELY difficult because I am an only child. But I can literally feel your pain and frustration right through my computer screen. All I can suggest for you is to do what others have suggested: let her go. Maybe not 100%, but 98%. Take one phone call a day. Don't answer the others. Get a job and tell her you are working and cannot speak on the phone or you'll lose your job. Take her a couple of meals a week and enough groceries so she can fend for herself. Let her sell the house. She's just blowing steam, like my mom does. Let her hoard. You can't stop her anyway, like I can't stop my mom. Just, ...let her. When she threatens, say, "ok". Call her bluff. And if she actually does sell the house, well, I hate to say it, but good riddance. (You and I both know she won't.)

You are absolutely going to go looney if you don't draw and show her your boundaries.

So, please, take a deep breath, get a grip on your emotions. and take care of yourself.

Sharon
(1)
Report

Sodon, that would be fine and dandy if she didn't have dementia. She's not a b*tch, she is just lonely and leans too much on me. I can't just desert her to drown in her flowers. I wish it were that easy.
(0)
Report

Get a job. Take care of your kids and yourself. Forget about your ex (both of them.) Let your mom stockpile candle holders, figurines and all the other crap she likes to hoard and let her fend for herself.
(0)
Report

Yes, I have. The PTSD is a result of the 8 year relationship I was in with an emotional narcissistic person. I am trying to "get back to myself" whilst taking care of mom. I really hate drama now, which is why, as you can tell, I don't deal well with demands made on me by mom - because most of her needs are taxing emotional ones.
(0)
Report

Hope you start/continue with treatment for the PTSD. Most people would try to support you in that.
(1)
Report

Vegaslady, I'm co-dependent. I'm familiar with what bi-polar is, and I have seen a psychologist. My problem is doing too much for others. I'm not bipolar. Very soon I am going to be contacting someone (within the year) as an in-home companion at least for a day or two a week so I can get a much needed break. I have PTSD from my relationship with the guy; it was that bad. so I know what I have to do.
(0)
Report

Heck let her call the realitors! After a few minutes with her they will figure it out, and she will be entertained and you will get a break. You have DPOA and I assume she has a diagnosis from her Dr? If she is on Namenda I think you may be able to over ride her! Maybe calling her bluff will be enough. I agree, don't give her your work phone number. Or maybe hire a companion?
(0)
Report

Maybe your mother is gaslighting you, Nikki.
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions