I miss him tonight.
Last night at 6:10 he exhaled for the last time. I was holding him, telling him that i remembered what he wanted me to do. Told him that we were getting on a plane and going home, and that he would be by mom before he knew it. He hadnt spoken for 48 hours but he opened one eye, ever so slight and said "Home". I said yes, home, and we were buying a fifth of Canadian Mist and all the family was having a cheer and then he was going to get to keep the rest of the bottle. He said "Home" and closed his eye. I looked down at him to see if his rattling was lighter but i heard no rattling at all. and then i saw no breathes at all. And i just laid there, with my arms around him and said "daddy". I love you. Tomorrow i will meet with the funeral home and they will fly him back home where i will deliver him to the care of my brothers and sisters. They are his now. I took care of him for 12 years and we kicked ass and we got close and we fought but most we loved and we knew it. Now i will move back to my home in Arizona and know that my work in Florida is done. It is peace; it is heavy. It hurts and makes me smile. We both lived the best we could and we loved each other. Goodbye my beautiful, stubborn, witty, pushy daddy. I will love you forever.