I think I might be losing my mind!
I have been my mothers caretaker for about 8 years now and since November her health has really declined. she is a 4 time stroke survivor with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, kidney failure, and congestive heart failure and on top of that has psuedobulbar affect. In November we found out she had CHF and had been maintaining it well. well Feb 3 she end up in the hospital for 10 days then went to rehab for 5 days, then 15 days back in the hospital, 8 days in skilled nursing, 25 days back in the hospital, 10 days home, and now 24 days and counting back in the hospital, its starting to take a toll on me, i basically live everywhere she is at i never leave her side unless i need to go home and shower, so i am usually with her 18- 22 hrs a day, i had a breaking point the other day when i almost snapped, they taken her off her PBA meds and all she did was cry for 3 days straight no sleeping (she doesnt sleep neither do i) just crying, i timed her episodes for crying and she would only stop for 30 sec - 50 sec. i my self started to cry, and i couldn't stop, i have never had this happen to me, but i waned to smother her with a pillow and i caught my snap and realized that i was thinking like a crazy person and stepped out the room and went out side for fresh air, later that day i called my dad to stay with my mom and i went home and balled like a baby that i would ever think something like that, the guilt is just eating at me, at that point i realized i need help, i have a appointment for June 2 with a psychiatrist, but that's still 2 weeks away, please tell me if something like this is "normal" and how do i keep sane before then, and i am so afraid to tell the Dr, i don't want them to take my mom away or keep me away from her, that was just a moment of weakness, tbh idk what to do, i am so stressed out, and loosing time, and memory.