I might be just as insane as her when this is all over.

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I'm new here so I'm sorry if this may sound a bit childish. I'm 15 years old and my mom wanted me to come here...guess it's for advice and venting. I don't want to come home, and maybe this is selfish but it is because she's my grandmother...but I'm really starting to dislike her just because of how much of a b*tch she's being. Different attitude every single day and if you offer help she wants an instant pity party. There is never enough attention for her. Never was, never will be and the dementia is just gunna make it worse. How do you calm down when you and the person you're dealing with both have different attitudes? I'm pessimistic, sometimes stubborn, and also I get easily pissed off. Basically, how do you deal with it? Writing isn't helping anymore. Thank you for reading...but I really needed to vent.


DyingxBreed, are both your mother and you living with your grandmother? I am a little confused by what you wrote. Please explain a bit more and I'm sure you'll get some good input.
Does your grandma live with you? Has she always been negative like this?

Can you look at old photo albums with her? You could make it a project to annotate the albums with a written description of who everyone is and what the event was.

What does grandma want pity for? What are her physical limitations?
She moved in with my family a couple months ago...6 months maybe and yes she has always been like this the dementia just makes it more theatrical. We tried that and she only remembers a couple moments from her childhood. She didnt remember her mother or father in one of the family photos nor her relatives in any of the others. Im not sure what she wants pity for to be quite honest, because there really is nothing we can do since she says no more than "nothing" when we ask whats wrong. She has left brain dysfunction, she really cant balance well yet she refuses to use a cane, she barely sees anything so she basically acts blind even though she focuses on the tv all day. I hope this helped since i didnt go into detail earlier.
Is she on antidepressants, do you know?

Would she enjoy being read to? As her vision got worse, my Grandma loved being read to by us. You sound like a super mature and terrific teenager.

Wow, is there a lesson your mother is trying to teach you?

The biggest lesson to be learned is compassion. If she has dementia and is asked whats wrong, she may not be able to verbalize it. If she's focusing on the tv all day and is basically blind, perhaps she's trying to "blend in"?

It sucks getting old... I'm still cringing at why your mother felt it best for you to read this website and all that goes with. Yes, I get we all need to be aware, but really.... 15? I do hope you love and appreciate your grandmother for who she was and not who she is becoming.

Just why did your mother ask you to read this website?
Dear 15 year old. I am so sorry you have this additional aspect to your high school years. While multi generational living is less prevalent today, this was the only way families lived in the '50s and '60s. There are clearly downsides to this arrangement, but think about your Mom's perspective. Imagine her feelings of responsibility for her Mom, for you and for other family members. Try going to the Alzheimers website --- alz . org. On it, they describe typical behaviors and ideas of how to handle such behavior. Try the 'life with ALZ' pull down menu and the resource center. At 15, you may be the best to do a bit of research. You have time and are probably pretty good with the computer. There are tactics to guide family members through their outbursts. There are support meetings for family caregivers (try your local hospital). Once you understand that your Grandma isn't responsible for her behavior and can't change it, you may take a deep breath and find ways to deal with it effectively. And, I'm not saying that you can't push back sometimes. Just yesterday, I visited my MIL. She was curled up in bed and refused to get up. She said I could talk to her while she was in bed ... with her back to me!. So I straightened up a few things in her room offered her a beverage and said I'd come back at another time when she was up. AND do something nice for your Mom . She has a lot on her plate!
My mom thinks that since im an introvert it would be different if I vented out here, and asked some questions, learned more, got some advice and what not. She also is trying to teach me how to be more accepting and yes compassionate. Those are 2 of the hardest things for me, i dont know why, but i cant seem to do it. As for my gramdmother, im not sure what goes on through her head when she does the things that she does but i do feel kind of bad because of what this is doing to her. She never was dependent, she wanted everything to do with her, be her responsibility, yet if it didnt go her way she would get upset and "be the martyr" as my dad says. Im not sure what she takes cause my mom takes care of that. And i get that a lot. I guess i am a little more mature but i dont really see it.
This person is only 15 years old and it sounds like she has too much responsibility for Grandma! I remember when I was that age and thank goodness my Grandma only came to visit a couple times a gear. She was ornary, mean and always wanted to be sure we were all doing enough for my mother. I absolutely detested her visits and would never in a million years would I have wanted her to live with us. Dyingbreed needs to enjoy high school years, friends work hard with school work and maybe even get a part time job. I do not understand how families with children still at home manage to provide the care to the kids and grandma too. If grandma were able to care for herself that would be different. However, Grandma has some rather profound needs that is not right to burden a teenager with! When I was 15 I would rather be rebelling and making my Mom mad!
Introverts are different a lovely yet different breed. I say this kindly young lady. Most internalize their thoughts and emotions and this could be why mom is having her post on a website since she may not like the thought of socializing?

Perhaps this is a good idea your mother had, yet, I still find it somewhat hard for someone so young to digest. I agree, compassion is utmost when dealing with AD but still... How do YOU feel about venting on this website?

On a different note, maybe Grandma was trying to be strong for everyone and not be a martyr? Things were so much different in their time, right? You write intelligently and I do hope, you can see things from all sides :)
Believe me i do rebel. Always have pushed the limits, which i do feel somewhat bad for, however i could be doing drugs and what not but the worst i do is pierce and gauge my ears and smoke. Not that bad compared to other teenagers. But i wouldnt say its a burden on me since its helping my mom out a lot and she is with my grandma all the time, at least was before she got her job back, but yeah it does suck not being able to live the life of hanging with friends and doing stuff after school, but hey, it could be worse right? To be honest, this is kinda cool to finally get this out to people like you guys who get it and give feedback. My friends at school just say that sucks and get over it, which i understand cause they dont really know the full extent. Believe me, if you thought you disliked your grandmother, youd have a hell of a time if you met mine!

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