I live with my boyfriend and his mother.

Started by

We are in our 50s and she is 83. I dont want to do this anymore. She doesnt drive, has no outside interests or friends. She is always home.


Karen, you need to put yourself in your boyfriend's Mom's shoes for awhile to see life from her lenses. She is 83 years old, she has lived a very long life, and she no longer has the energy she had back when she was your age. I bet all her friends have either moved away to go to senior living centers or have passed away. And she no longer drives, so of course she will be home.

Why not help her find some new interest. Is there a senior center in your area, take her there so she can be around people of her own generation, her own music, her own movies, etc. Or have Mom sell her house, and use the equity to pay for senior living where she can enjoy the rest of her life :)

Don't forget, some day you will be her age, and it will come faster then you ever thought. Be prepared.

By the way, how did your boyfriend react when you said you don't want to do this anymore... or have you told him?

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Do you have other options available to you in terms of living accommodations? Does she? How did you find yourself in this situation? Did boyfriend's mother move into your home with your boyfriend or did you move into boyfriend's home with his mother? It's hard to give advice without knowing more about the situation.

No i havent discussed it with him. I dont know how i feel. Its just like having a child around except she doesnt want to go anywhere. She is always here and i feel like it affects the relationship.
You moved in with boyfriend? Whose house is this? Mom's?
If you moved in with them you knew the situation. Mom isn't the one who needs to change and at 83 she shouldn't have to. You have to adjust. You say she is home all day so I guess you don't work. Maybe u should consider a job. You and son need to find time to yourself by taking overnight trips or day trips. Or, your going to find a place of ur own.
I'm sure it does affect the relationship. That's practically a given. The question is: what are the alternatives?

Karen, how long have you and your boyfriend been together? Was Mother already a fixture when you moved in, or has she come to live with the two of you, or did you two move in to her house, or what? Just trying to get a picture of what's going on.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support