I have so many issues with Mom, I just don't know where to begin.
I joined this group in 2014 and joined under the name "tiredofmom" because I was exhausted of Mom accusing me of stealing from her and various other horrible untrue things. I never posted before until now. I learned so MUCH from this group, THANK YOU!! I forgot I had joined and now 3 years later I tried to join again under the name "Concerned4Mom", but was reminded I had an account. I've wanted to post so many times, I needed help and support. I have so many issues with Mom, I just don't know where to begin. I decided to begin today, because things just get worse and never get better. To begin, my mom and dad lived about 45 miles from me for the last 25 years. I saw their health decline and their property was hard for them to maintain, their city was not safe. My husband and I talked to them for years about moving from their town closer to us and they said they wanted to, but wouldn't do it, so hubby and I found ourselves financially able 2006 to purchase nice, safe home for them, 5 miles from our home. They happily accepted. I paid for their move here. They said it would take bout 1 year to get their house ready to sell. My mom decided my 80+-year-old dad should do all the renovations to the roof, etc., on their old home. She did not want to spend money to have things fixed, although they had the money. Dad wasn't up to the work, so their house just sat and they never put it for sale. So for 8 years not only did I provide them a house, I paid taxes, insurance, utilities and maintenance on the house I bought them. I never said a word, in fact I gave them $500 a month every month for their first year to offset expenses they had, which I thought would help with fixing up their previous house, but Mom just bought herself QVC gifts. I brought food to them about 4-5 times a week, Panera, Arbys, pizza, home cooked from me,what ever they wanted. My husband would take large sacks of roasts, steaks, chops from a nice butcher shop to them. I've bought tires for their car, paid for their income tax one year because she b!tched so much about the amount to pay. I've paid AAA auto, 3 cell phones and yard service for them, etc. We helped them so much, the list is too extensive to list here. They seemed appreciative, sometimes. Then my pop died in 2014. My mom seemed to develop Alzheimer's/dementia over night. She accused me of stealing from her, I'm wealthy, what would I steal from her, she has nothing I want, I don't steal from anyone, ever. Every day, she accused me of something new. I found this group and began to learn maybe Mom may have Alzheimer's/dementia. Most of you describe Alzheimer's/dementia as having incontinence, anger issues, blaming the closest person of stealing, inability with reasoning, memory lapse and mom has all that. Then on the other hand, many say Mom doesn't have Alzheimer's/dementia if she can drive, make grocery list, do laundry, take care of cats, shower, dress, go bathroom independently, make doctor's appointmets and Mom can. I go for weeks, maybe months without her screaming at me because I walk on egg shells around her, then she goes crazy on me, accusing me of everything, horrible things, telling me she hates me for having interaction with my father, blames me she that she has no friends, tells me she's moving back to her house 45 miles away. She accused me of so many things that are untrue and when I defend myself she tells me that I talk to her terrible, but all I'm doing is defending myself. If I defend myself, then she won't talk to me for many months until she needs us to do something for her. I DON'T know, is she being an a**, which she has always been, or does she have dementia? If she has dementia, then I need to help her, if she's being an a** then maybe I need to let her go back to her home that she misses so much. There's a woman across the street at her house that I think is ready to "prey" on Mom. She and her husband have financial problems and I think they have plans for Mom and her money. This is a long question, I just don't know where to begin, sorry. I've been so angry at myself for doing so much for my unappreciative,hateful, nasty, angry mother for so long, then she makes me feel guilty because she's unhappy. I know there's so much to address in this question, I just am having a difficult time trying to address where to begin with this mess!