I have had it.

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I caretake my 85 year old aunt, she never married, lives on her own. I live with her. I can't do anything right, she needs more care then she believes, in what has turned into a cruel twist, she and her attorney told me that my name would be added to the lease so that she can remain at her home. I agreed to it, Now, she has reneged. I am giving notice to the family that I am done. This kind of cruelty is just heartbreaking.


Good grief, I hope your name is not on ANY lease. All that would do is make you financially responsible to pay her lease!! Get out of there, she is trying to bamboozle you into paying her debts!
the house is paid for. I had to interview with her attorney about my life, and I was told that I would be added to the lease, and I should think about it etc. I said yes.

onlythelonely - Could you further explain your comment: "my name would be added to the lease so that she can remain at her home." If it is her house and it is paid for, I don't understand the purpose of a lease so that she can remain there.
If she owns the home, what is the lease for ? It's either leased or it is owned, it can't be both.
I don't think that you mean lease, then. Perhaps you mean the house, itself. If that is what the problem is, is she will need medicaid in the next 5 years, she shouldn't gift a house, right now.

By the way, things don't get better. They get worse. If you have a chance to move on, you might want to consider it.
Do you mean that she is allowing you to "lease" the property in exchange for caring for her? This is way too confusing for me.

But in any case, if you don't want to live there and take care of her, don't. Explain to the attorney (in writing) that you are resigning as caregiver and other arrangements will have to be made. Allow a reasonable timeframe for other arrangements to be made, but don't wait indefinitely. Give notice to the family too, of course.

If there is anything that would change your mind about leaving, make that very clear to all parties. For example, you could do this if you had every-other-weekend off, and if they hire a housekeeper or whatever would make this acceptable to you. It probably won't work to say "if auntie recognizes her limitations."

If you want something changed, negotiate for it. If you simply want to leave, give notice.

Are you referring to the title to the house? If the house is paid for, and you were added, the title would be changed and recorded in the county in which you reside, and you can look on-line just using the address of the home for the title info or giving the county a call.

Giving you the home in the will is one thing, changing the title is another and one will have tax consequences and the other perhaps not. We just did this for a home that my mother purchased for my brother, and the title was change to read "so and so with joint tenancy with right of survivorship". This should avoid probate and taxes, but consult an attorney!

Hope she has her other documents in place, POA, will, medical power of attorney, etc. or it will be a mess upon her death.

Good luck!
I am sorry, it was the deed to the house. It's been a roller coaster. Her wish pre-stroke was to remain in her home. She has the financial means to do so and insurance, but her attorney, ( who is the executor of her estate ) and her have been rather slow about adding me officially to the deed and to become DPOA so that I can sign off on payments and arrange home care. I have been doing the best I can with that, but now I have hit a wall. After much thought I will be sending a letter to the attorney and her siblings, ( who don't want anything to do with her ) telling them of my decision, and giving 60 days notice regarding moving out. My aunt believes she is fine and can care for herself, no one seems to be getting through to her that this is not the case. Her sister and brother are her health proxy but are out of state and never call or get involved, because I am here. I believe the best thing to do is take action now, and consult an attorney regarding my situation. And yes, this is a large dysfunctional family. lol - ( this web site has been a god send to me, as it has provided support, answers and guidance.
Even if she suddenly put you on the title as a joint owner, I have to think she would always think of it as "her" house. Even if she gave it to you, outright, she might still think of it as "her" house. It's just another factor to consider, as this seems to be a problem with people who stay in their own homes, fairly frequently. If you have having problems, now, consider whether you'll end up as merely the interloper in "her" house.

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