I have come to the point where I just want to withdraw from 99% of responsibility for helping to take care of my mother.
My mother is 86 and still lives in her own home. She is very hearing impaired but refuses to admit it and get hearing aids. It's agony trying to talk to her on the phone, so I've almost given up. She refuses to allow anyone to clean and de-clutter her house even though it is a safety hazard. Every time I try to have a conversation with her on the phone, I end it after about one minute because otherwise it will become a screaming event - she is verbally abusive to me (to put it mildly) - and I will end it by hanging up on her. Ten minutes later, she acts like nothing happened and I'm still in the turmoil of hurt feelings and rocketing blood pressure. I'm 67 and I do not want to continue to subject myself to this stress. A few months ago, I thought I was going to have a stroke or heart attack due to the stress. I do have one sibling, brother, and he drives my mother to some medical appointments and to the grocery store or walmart. I take her to most of her doctor appointments. I have decided to stop making even simple suggestions that might help keep her safe and able to continue to live in her home. Every suggestion is met with defensive remarks about how she's managing just fine. All of her defensive statements to me are in a shrill, sometimes screaming, voice. She sometimes screams "okay, mama!" I want to stop communicating with her. And, so, I'm feeling very guilty about it. What has anyone else done in this situation?