I feel frozen.

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Since my mom passed in March, the grief seems a tiny bit less every day, I thought I was getting better, but then holidays like Mothers, Fathers Day hit and I get worse. I was going to take a vacation and drive out of state, but I am finding it very difficult to do so. It feels like even more loss as I would be leaving my apartment, putting the cat in boarding and driving some place all alone, and also feel like leaving my mom - even thuogh she has passed on. I am finding it difficult to do things and go places where I live. It seems I am constantly reminded of my mother wherever I go. I have the family furniture in my apartment in the living room. I grew up with that furniture, its all in great shape and antiques and I don't want to get rid of it. But it's a constant reminder of growing up in a sad family. Any suggestions on my lifes challenges? Thanks.


Dear bloomschool,

It's only been 3 months since your mom died. You're still grieving. The first year is hard because we do have those holidays and birthdays and other special days where our loved one isn't with us.

Have you considered putting the furniture in storage? Maybe one piece at a time so it's not so overwhelming.

Another suggestion is don't make any major life decisions right now. It may seem like a good idea but you'd be looking at it through a lens of grief and mourning.

I think taking a vacation is a great idea! Create some new memories that don't include your mom. Not that you're trying to forget her but you're moving forward. A long weekend at a B&B or visiting friends out of town sounds like a very healthy thing to do.

Try not to worry about feeling "frozen" right now. As I said, it's only been 3 months. If you had written this a year or two after your mom passed away you might have a problem but I think you're right where you should be at this point.
I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. It is still so soon. I haven't been through the loss of a parent, but, from what I have read, it does take time to go through the process of grieving. I'd try to not rush it, although, I'm sure it must be so painful.

Your trip sounds like a good idea. Have you thought about taking a friend or going on a group trip, where there is a scheduled itinerary? That way, you'll be around others, have new sites to see, meet new people and maybe, won't be focused inwardly so much. Just an idea.

Also, have you considered doing some volunteer work? A lot of places appreciate volunteers like ASPCA, Habitat for Humanity, Rescue Missions, etc. While you may think of your mother a lot, if you doing good deeds, she would likely be very proud to see you keeping busy and helping others.

I hope you can find some peace. Please post as to how things are going.
I thought of another idea and wanted to post. Have you considered doing some kind of donation in your mother's honor. Some places need trees or playground equipment. A donation to help with this in your loved one's name might be rewarding and a way to pay tribute to your mom. Plus, you're helping others.
Setbacks are normal. You think you're much better now; and then there's a holiday or an event or even - I don't know - just somebody walking past you in the street wearing Blue Grass or a particular herringbone pattern or whatever, and it's a jolt.

But you're allowed to feel upset: to repeat, it's normal. I'm a bit more concerned about your finding it difficult to do everyday things locally, especially if that's getting worse instead of better. Are you getting any moral support from family, friends, neighbours, your doctor, counsellors?
I guess I am weird but I think I have already done my grieving. My Mom hasn't been "Mom" in a while now. She doesn't know where she is or knows family or friends. She sits in a wheel chair all hunched over and so frail. Therecis no way she wanted her last days being like this. The Mom I knew is not here anymore.
None of us live forever and Mom is 89. I look at her passing as going to a better place where she will be whole again. Yes, there will be times I will miss her, she was a good Mom.
This is still fresh and maybe time, even a long weekend, will be good. A cat can be left alone for a short period of time.
That's a good point JoAnn29. I sometimes think about my LO's funeral, but, it seems like it's already been done. She's had significant dementia for awhile now. I'm not sure if I have any tears left.  I think I have accepted it.  
Well, I've taken two vacations. It was hard to leave. But I enjoyed them. Everyday I feel a little better. Every now and then the grief and sadness pops up and I get sad again. But, now you might think I'm crazy, but everytime I am at the cemetery and ask my mother and father to let me know they are ok I end up seeing signs, meaning license plates with Either my fathers name on them - on the plastic plate holder - or a NY license plate on a car (I'm in Illinois). I see these within maybe 30 minutes of asking. My fathers name is Jarvis. A rare name. And its been in relation to a company named Jarvis, in my area. Every time! New York plates, because I lived there and really, really want to move back. Now maybe I'm imagining all this, or whatever, but it only happens after I'm at the cemetery asking them to show me they are ok. So go figure. I do believe we live on, so that belief has certainly helped me cope. It would be futile to think that life ends here. Anyway, I'm interested in your thoughts and comments. Thanks!
Dear bloomschool,

Thank you for letting us know your two vacations went well. I find myself in a similar situation. I went to see my dad yesterday at the cemetery. I was typing to a friend about looking for a sign. Then I get a text from an unknown number with the words "I love you." I don't know if it was a coincidence. I really want to know that my dad is ok. I still have so many regrets about the way he passed. I still think if only...then he would still be here with us a little longer.

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