I don't wish this on anyone......elderly care.

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People don't realize what it involves with taking care of an elderly parent. It's life changing......it's almost like a curse.......it's terrible. I have no time for myself......had to quit my job......have siblings that won't help.........my mother is in terrible condition......eyes, heart and arthritis. She is always constipated and wants milk of mag all the time. I feel like I'm trapped......no time to do anything myself. When a parent gets old....it's terrible......life is terrible.


My Mom takes Miralax. It is hard because all she talks about is "I cannot eat very much" or "I could/couldn't poop". I think it must be difficult for them, too. I just wish there was more to talk about besides food and poop. I am at the point I almost want to put her in a home and bail. I have given up my job, my home, my furniture, my friends and my siblings probably think I am taking advantage of my Mom. I think it is the other way around. I don't mind for the most part, but I really don't have much of a life as I used to have. I have made an effort to make a few new friends. But, for how much longer? Then, I don't know how I will survive once she goes. There goes the income because A&A pays for my helping her now. So, what will I do? I will Trust in the Lord. That is all I can do. Hugs to you Roscoe888
Consider putting yourself first. What do you need and/or want to keep yourself healthy-both mentally and physically. Then, figure out a plan how you can still be a daughter yet provide some (but maybe not all) of the care. Consider home health or even a long-term care facility. Also consider contacting your local family caregiver specialist at the Area Agency on Aging for information, support and assistance.
I felt terrible when I read your posting. Please call Adult Services in your area or consult an elder care manager. I worked with the latter and it was so helpful. Can she afford to go to assisted living. Should she go, based on her health? Do you have any respite care? Last, there are senior helper organizations in my area, so there might be in yours. They do lots of things, from driving, to laundry, to cleaning. I hope you find some help soon! My thoughts are with you. Trust me, you are not alone.
I agree. The only people who get it are the ones who've had to do it. I almost want to scream when I hear people say it is a blessing. No how, no way is this a blessing. Not for me, not for my parents not for anybody involved. I'm an only child, single woman, but about the only thing I have is my profession/job. I'm struggling to keep my foot in at least 3 days a week, but there are many days I want to throw it in and quit, because the things that have to be done are never ending. Every time I think I've got it in some way under control, something else comes up, the water heater at my parent's house quits working which turns into a need to rewire the whole house. Or some quack has decided that my father needs sinus surgery because his sinuses are so blocked its a health risk, so even though I think its stupid, I'm too scared not to do it. Another three day weekend that I can't have because I have to sit with my parents because the 24 hour sitters (that I COULD NOT DO WITHOUT, btw) deserve to have a day off too. Its been 3 years. I don't wish this on anyone either.
The only way you will be able to maintian this level of care is to take care of yourself. If you become ill - who will step in? Consider "daycare" or Assisted Living, Home Health is an option also. Contact your local department of Human Services - Adult Protection unit. They will have lots of advice and can steer you in the right direction as far as help. Just remember that you count too!
Hospice has been our saviour. Dad has alzheimers, dementia complicated by symptoms from a stroke. They sent us home with hospice. It has been a little over a year. Never thought we would make it that far. Nurse comes one a week and aide comes daily to bathe and bring supplies. Hospice has meds delivered to the door. We also (finally after convincing my mom) got outside help a few days a week. One lady comes on Wednesday and stays from 10 until 4. Another comes on Monday from 8 until 1. It gives my mom a chance to go to the grocery store or even just get out and work in her yard and mow. You ABSOLUTELY MUST have some form of outside help. You CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT do it alone. Call your church. Ask friends. Even if it's only for an hour here and there. If someone offers to help, say yes. Give them a specific task. "Yes, I would love help on Friday afternoon this week. It has been ages since I was able to go to the grocery store". I know that I would rather someone ask me specifically to help than to just leave it open ended. Once you have been in this situation, you realize how vital your offers of help can be. Prayers for you.
I am not to the point of putting her in a home yet. Sometimes it just helps to talk about it. Sometimes to vent is all that is needed.
Where do you find the 24 hour sitters?
Rosco888,...Today I read your post and was overcome with the realization that I to know how hard the life of a caregiver is, along with my husband. You have to be strong and resillient and yes give up life as you know it! We are locked into the vicious cycle of responsible care! No more can we make plans to do...... ANYTHING! This site has helped me to voice my frustrations in the roll of caregiver for my MIL. So take heart, you are not alone in your feelings. While every situation is different, we all have the same focus,...and that is caring for a loved one. The hardest thing we can give,....is time...! Here is a hug to keep you sane, for a while, (: Take care and Godbless
Roscoe888, I totally agree! It's awful and even worse at times. It can be very isolating and extremely exhausting. My mom too gets constipated but she really likes prunes so that takes care of that! And boy do I hear you about siblings not helping at all. They truly believe that I was born to only be my mom's caregiver. Never do they think of me or my family. Yes, I have talked to them to no avail. So now I just avoid them and told my mom to stop pretending that we are a close family. That I will do all I can for her but that I need time for myself too. Because if I get sick then no one will care for her. She was getting way to dependent on me for everything and no she doesn't go to daycare because she has had PHN-shingles for five years now. I am also her provider so yeah.... Things are complicated. But, I wish you well and ALL of us caregivers on this forum. Really try to carve some time out for you. If not, we the caregivers can end up worse than our care receivers!!!!

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