I don't want to be a caregiver - I have been one my entire life
My mother is aging and needs someone to drive her to dr appt. and church. I have been up until the last 3 months. I am burned out and have finally time to do somethiing for me by going to school to finish my bs in health psych. i have raised 5 kids, still 2 at home 1- 14 1-20, so mostly the 14 i drive him to school and work pt and go to school ft. i am excited about school. i was home to raise my kids and worked pt meanwhile and volunteered at the school/activities- this stretched over 30 years agespan 18 years oldest and youngest. i have 5-6 grandkids who i babysit occassionally and enjoy it - seeing them. i took care of my mom's mom for the 3 years before she died as she has my stepdad to care for. my mom has never driven and my sister and i have taken turns since my stepdad became ill and went into nursing home and died. this has been 7 years. she is not demanding but expects rides weekly. i am tired of it and this summer she did demand to go out somewhere after her rides from dialysis. i feel for her but i did not really receive a lot of help from her. she could never babysit for me because my dad and stepdad were sick, although it was an excuse most of the time, she was not a nurturing mom, my g'ma was my mother figure and my dad was the carer as he was home a lot due to disability. i can't say i owe her anything except her house is in mine and my sister's name which is nice. i have a neck disability = had 2 surgeries and need a 3rd , in the process of s.s. disability. This week she needed a ride to dr. my sister and her daughter who don't work scheduled a hair appt for when they were supposed to drive her and now expect me to - my paper is due on tues for my last class this course - i asked her if she could switch to thurs and now feel guilty. also my brother in law never works prob mental health and never drives. what do i do and what do i take responsibility for? can we designate a caregiver for the future as i want someone who wants to do this. right now i am burned out in caregiving - i work with kids in the morning - have my kid still and going on six g'kids... i cannot lift over 10 lbs-her walker is 20-25 and may be why my last surgery didn't take as i lifted that and other things during my recovery... my kids are all to busy to help except one who is too selfish... she has given my sister gifts like a car, snowblower, skillsaw, anything they ask for. i asked for silverware as i borrow it every thanksgiving and she won't do it and said i had a chip on my shoulder. i think i am being manipulated. i do talk to her 3 times a week and that seems to work better than seeing her in person... help me with what i should do. i am 52 years old and know i should not let guilt get the best of me.