This is so hard.....I am watching his body start to shut down.

Started by

I have a few questions.
I will be happy when toward the end, Hospice will be here, but I had no idea how hard it is to care for a person who is near death. I mean, by most standards I am probably excellent but to me, I just don't feel I can be effective enough. My partner reverted to German and I have to beg him to speak English. I think he is questioning who I am. He had to have Lorazepam twice last night. They also have him on Dexamethasone 1 per day. His pnemonia is getting worse. Or at least the rasping. Sorry about spelling. I have to be careful about what I feed him. I gave him apple juice this morning and a veggie and juice smoothie. NO MILK. Just water ice or OJ in the smoothie. I slept next to him in his Hosp bed last night. I must have been exhausted as I think I had about 2 in of room. What else would you suggest I do to make him comfortable or what has worked for you at this point. His regular doctor is the Hospice Doc and he is suppose to stop by this weekend. We will see if that happens. Chaplan came yesterday. He is carrying on conversations that do not make sense and he is seeing so many people. He finally asked me if this was an Open House?


This must be so difficult to go through. Do you have family to be with you? I bet those Hospice workers will be able to help you.

I haven't had to go through what you are, but I know that there are posters on this site who have and that they will respond to your question.

You can always come here to ask questions and comment. I think it will really help. Please take care of yourself.
Hospice is SO busy. I don't know how these nurses do it. My help from Volunteers will start this week. My son and Daughter in law live in Texas and my other daughter Colorado and one in Ohio. I just have to hang in there. I will get plenty of rest after he leaves me for Eternity.
This is a lot for you to do alone. I know your family wishes they were closer. It sounds like you are doing the right things. I just hope you get your rest too.

When are the volunteers coming? I would call to confirm and tell them you now help ASAP.
I know this is not easy on you but it is probably not too hard in your partner from what I have experienced. Report all symptoms to hospuce. If you are not comfortable, don't wait until they come, they are on call 24/7. They will talk you thru it or you can request a nurse to come out. If you are noticing that the urine output has decreased, it is getting close. I would just lay with my mom and quietly tell her stories about her life. I told her that there were many people waiting to see her, her mom, dad, etc. I kept low music on all the time. Asked anyone who came in to talk in low voices. I continued to wash out moms mouth with the sponges in a stick. I pushed a second bed beside my mom so I could lay with her and hold her without hurting her. I would wash mom everyday, cream up her hands and face. You are doing everything right, nothing is wrong now. Just love him 😍. Wishing you peace and comfort at this most difficult time.
I just googled German folk songs on you tube and there are many there if you need some music
This is a difficult time. It is natural as a human being to desire to know details of what to expect as death draws near. In my own experience with my dad i found help by googling what to expect in the end stages of CHF. It seems everyone has their own story, their own individual course of events. One thing I found out is that just when we thought it was over ,he'd rally and go strong again. I was honestly shocked when he actually did die. He just had such strong fight to live. This despite that fact that he'd been telling us for years he was ready to go whenever the Lord wanted. The doctor told us he had 2-3 weeks left max; my dad lasted 9 weeks.
One thing we did was to let him know he could go , he did a good job being a dad and we loved him.
Ohhh, Oregon, just try to be strong for him. This must be so terribly exhausting. Hang in there.
I sincerely hope I have someone like you at my side when my life is ending. Bless you and stay strong and keep helping him through this transition.
Patrica.....What a GREAT idea...I have CD's German music. He loves to listen to it. I can also go on Utube on the TV to all the German stories and music. He will love that THANK YOU. The barber just showed up to cut his hair. When I moved him there was pain. I hated waking him, but with the morphine, he will be back to sleep shortly.
Sunnygirl...I am told they start next week. But the women who called me about it called it RESPITE. Then it turned into her telling someone else, I wanted someone to care for my Partner for a few days. WHAT? I just want to go to the Beach for about 30 minutes and the grocery store. WITH MY CELL ON and waiting for any emergency. So, hopefully, I get someone next week. I will not leave him. I don't sleep in our bed. I sleep on the sofa pushed up against his Hosp bed. He asked me today if someone took our bed as there was not enough room in this bed for me to sleep with him. He missed that.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support