Follow
Share

I have a few questions.
I will be happy when toward the end, Hospice will be here, but I had no idea how hard it is to care for a person who is near death. I mean, by most standards I am probably excellent but to me, I just don't feel I can be effective enough. My partner reverted to German and I have to beg him to speak English. I think he is questioning who I am. He had to have Lorazepam twice last night. They also have him on Dexamethasone 1 per day. His pnemonia is getting worse. Or at least the rasping. Sorry about spelling. I have to be careful about what I feed him. I gave him apple juice this morning and a veggie and juice smoothie. NO MILK. Just water ice or OJ in the smoothie. I slept next to him in his Hosp bed last night. I must have been exhausted as I think I had about 2 in of room. What else would you suggest I do to make him comfortable or what has worked for you at this point. His regular doctor is the Hospice Doc and he is suppose to stop by this weekend. We will see if that happens. Chaplan came yesterday. He is carrying on conversations that do not make sense and he is seeing so many people. He finally asked me if this was an Open House?

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Windyridge....What a sweet sweet thing you said to me. Thank you. I only know that I love him and nothing is above what I would do to make his leaving pleasant and peaceful and filled with love. I want him to experience death as a positive path. I told him Jesus is waiting for him and knows he is coming. I also told him that Jesus would tell him when I will be there and show him what gate I would enter through. I said Baby, wait for me and save a place at the Wedding Feast for me.

I did not realize how much he wanted to know I would be coming soon. I have never ever met a man like this in my life I wish all women could have what I have.
(3)
Report

(((((Oregongirl))))) This must be so anguishing for you! All you can do is to just try to be with him where he is, and it sounds like you are doing that (even squeezing into the hospital bed with him). Your deep love for him is coming through to us, so it surely is to him, and that's what counts the most. I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your time with your loved one, and his with you, is drawing to a close. So sad...
(0)
Report

Misslauri I know about rally....I thought last night was it. The rasping etc. But, after I called the nurse, he rallied very well. He will go when he is ready. If he lasts until his sister comes from Germany that would be a miracle and I will need to go to the hospital when it is over. (Believe me I would be perfectly willing to go on and on, but she is not coming until Oct. I don't know why she is not changing her flights. There must be something interfering with an earlier trip. I do not speak fluent German, so cannot talk with her. I LOVE his family and I LOVE GERMANY. I am going to REALLY REALLY study my German and go there for an entire summer before I die.
(0)
Report

Patricia, I mentioned to the nurse the issue with his one son and his wife. They are very very Evil to me. They have wanted me out years ago. I have been his partner now for nearly 7 years. I came home late one day and they were loading his precious collections, china and gems into their van. They did not realize that I was going to be there Well the story gets worse... So, my son was going to take a leave and fly over here to help me. BUT, the nurse said, that my stipulations to the son (his wife is not allowed near my partner)..and they are only allowed to visit for one hour, low voices and NO TV. Only two people at a time. Me and the son. The Social worker is going to come and sit with us. If the son raises his voice or wants to be alone with his father, they will step in. Lets just say when they were here 3 YEARS AGO, I almost had to call the police I stood between the son and his father. I made them unload their van and get the heck out. It is a story for TV. He will only be allowed one hour visits twice a day and will be called from the motel when his father is near death. If he misses it,,,oh well, he was gone for three years never calling him at all. I know this sounds awful,,,, but I did not want to shut the son or his alcoholic wife off, I just wanted restrictions and warnings of not ruining the last moments of my partner's life and our final moments together. I hope everyone understands...I love my partner so much. Because we cannot go to the Court house to get a license we are not married today. He has asked me to marry him twice a day since he started Hospice. We are not going to be able to do it. But, the minister reminded me they did not have a license before the government stepped in. Mostly it was the Temple or church who ordained the marriage. He prayed for us as a couple and asked God to equally yoke us. In my heart he is my husband and I am his wife. In God's eyes we are married.
(2)
Report

Patricia....I know everything is ok. He can even have his German Beer. I was afraid it might kill him along with the drugs. The hospice just says anything he wants..Give it to him. They want me to be liberal with the pain meds also. Give them every few hours and don't skimp OK????
(2)
Report

Sunnygirl...I am told they start next week. But the women who called me about it called it RESPITE. Then it turned into her telling someone else, I wanted someone to care for my Partner for a few days. WHAT? I just want to go to the Beach for about 30 minutes and the grocery store. WITH MY CELL ON and waiting for any emergency. So, hopefully, I get someone next week. I will not leave him. I don't sleep in our bed. I sleep on the sofa pushed up against his Hosp bed. He asked me today if someone took our bed as there was not enough room in this bed for me to sleep with him. He missed that.
(2)
Report

Patrica.....What a GREAT idea...I have CD's German music. He loves to listen to it. I can also go on Utube on the TV to all the German stories and music. He will love that THANK YOU. The barber just showed up to cut his hair. When I moved him there was pain. I hated waking him, but with the morphine, he will be back to sleep shortly.
(1)
Report

I sincerely hope I have someone like you at my side when my life is ending. Bless you and stay strong and keep helping him through this transition.
(3)
Report

Ohhh, Oregon, just try to be strong for him. This must be so terribly exhausting. Hang in there.
(1)
Report

This is a difficult time. It is natural as a human being to desire to know details of what to expect as death draws near. In my own experience with my dad i found help by googling what to expect in the end stages of CHF. It seems everyone has their own story, their own individual course of events. One thing I found out is that just when we thought it was over ,he'd rally and go strong again. I was honestly shocked when he actually did die. He just had such strong fight to live. This despite that fact that he'd been telling us for years he was ready to go whenever the Lord wanted. The doctor told us he had 2-3 weeks left max; my dad lasted 9 weeks.
One thing we did was to let him know he could go , he did a good job being a dad and we loved him.
(1)
Report

I just googled German folk songs on you tube and there are many there if you need some music
(3)
Report

I know this is not easy on you but it is probably not too hard in your partner from what I have experienced. Report all symptoms to hospuce. If you are not comfortable, don't wait until they come, they are on call 24/7. They will talk you thru it or you can request a nurse to come out. If you are noticing that the urine output has decreased, it is getting close. I would just lay with my mom and quietly tell her stories about her life. I told her that there were many people waiting to see her, her mom, dad, etc. I kept low music on all the time. Asked anyone who came in to talk in low voices. I continued to wash out moms mouth with the sponges in a stick. I pushed a second bed beside my mom so I could lay with her and hold her without hurting her. I would wash mom everyday, cream up her hands and face. You are doing everything right, nothing is wrong now. Just love him 😍. Wishing you peace and comfort at this most difficult time.
(3)
Report

This is a lot for you to do alone. I know your family wishes they were closer. It sounds like you are doing the right things. I just hope you get your rest too.

When are the volunteers coming? I would call to confirm and tell them you now help ASAP.
(2)
Report

Hospice is SO busy. I don't know how these nurses do it. My help from Volunteers will start this week. My son and Daughter in law live in Texas and my other daughter Colorado and one in Ohio. I just have to hang in there. I will get plenty of rest after he leaves me for Eternity.
(1)
Report

This must be so difficult to go through. Do you have family to be with you? I bet those Hospice workers will be able to help you.

I haven't had to go through what you are, but I know that there are posters on this site who have and that they will respond to your question.

You can always come here to ask questions and comment. I think it will really help. Please take care of yourself.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter