I am so sad.

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My Mom moved in about 5 months ago. She contributes some money but I feel so angry. She acts like I should be her personal slave...I am always saying "sorry" "just a moment" .... She is able to do a lot of things for her self , but be cause she is "contributing" she feels she should be waited on. She is contributing a lot less than she would pay for assisted living here. I feel like I am enabling her by doing things for her I know she could do for her self. She is getting weaker because I am doing everything for her. I am ready to give up and put her in a "home" where they would crack the whip and make her MOVE!


Your Mom contributes *some* money but you probably contribute the bulk of the money for expenses... thus, she should be waiting on you if that is how she thinks :)

I would slowly start backing off on doing some of the chores that your Mother could be doing for herself. Otherwise, you have twice the work to do. If there is something she needs, just tell her "maybe tomorrow, Mom". Hopefully that will get her to do things herself.
Most homes are not going to "crack the whipe and make her move" -- they are simply not going to wait on her hand and foot. You could do that, too.

I suggest that you draw up an agreement spelling out what you are providing and what she is paying. In case she runs totally out of funds and needs to apply for Medicaid some day, this written agreement will be extremely valuable to document that she wasn't giving you her money as a gift. Meanwhile, it should help clarify what your role actually is. For example, you might do all the grocery shopping and provide one cooked meal a day, plus a stocked cupboard and refrigerator from which she make other meals and snacks. It might say you do all housekeeping except her room. Or whatever works in your situation.

It is really good for elders to do what they reasonably can for themselves. And it is certainly good for you to not feel like a slave. It may take some effort to make a change in an arrangement that has been going on for five months, but I think it is not only worthwhile but necessary.
Rarely does taking mom in ever work out in a happy way. She orders you around to prove that she is still in control. You become unhappy. You might be better off taking her to look at some assisted living places.
Something that works for me is to tell Mom I want her to do things for herself because it keeps her up and moving. That way it makes it sound like it is for her benefit. That keeps us from butting heads. I totally refuse to do things like bring her water. Once I give in she will come to expect it, which would be bad for both her and me.

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