I am glad I found this site.

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It is nice to see so many people dealing with the same issues and frustrations I am having. Like so many of you I am working 50 hours a week plus trying to care for my 90 year old father. We are lucky and he is still living alone but only because I call him 2 to 3 times a day and go see him everyday.

I clean his house and run all his errands. He is still able to get his own meals - I just make sure when I do his grocery shopping that he has a lot of easy to prepare things.

I love him with all my heart but sometimes I just get so tired. It makes me feel a little better to see all of you who are going through the same feelings I am. It helps relieve some of my guilt.

8 Comments

Causten, welcome to this site. It's a treasure trove of information.

When it comes to cleaning your Dad's house, which as you know can be very tiring, would there be any way your Dad could afford someone from a cleaning service to come in, even once a month. I couldn't imagine having to clean 2 houses, my parents and my own. I never offered to clean my parent's house, but I did offer an one time cleaning service, which my Mom refused :P

As for grocery shopping, do any of your grocery stores in your area offer on-line shopping with curb side pickup or home delivery? It's been a godsend for me. Yes, most stores have a delivery or pick-up fee, but it is well worth it. You are lucky your Dad doesn't mind getting his own meals. My Dad doesn't know how to boil water.... [sigh].
i loved cooking for my mom but when the house got too upside down she would pay the nearest , brokest relative to clean it cause i seriously dont care . i dont clean my own house . last winters firewood debris laid in the floor so long that i figured it was too close to firewood time again to worry about it .
Hi. I too am glad to have found this site. I am at my wits' end. I am an only child (just turned 40) and am the only carer for my mother who is in her 80s and has dementia. I have a crazy demanding job, and have never had anything in my life but my career so it is very important to me. I had a very traumatic childhood and hasven't been close to my mother since I was a kid. Over the past 5 years she has become completely dependent on me, and since her diagnosis of dementia 2 years ago, it's all up to me. She absolutely refuse to go into a car home. I have home help every morning. I do everything else. I am exhausted, more emotionally and mentally then phycially. I have also this year been diagnosed with two chronic pain conditions, which the medica say are due to severe chronic stress. I have no help or family. I love my mother but we were never closel i will be honest that i totally resent her and what i have to do day in day out. I am so close to the edge right now, i am in tears all the time. She refuses to cooperate with anything, throwing away her meals, refusing to wash, and just refusing everything. I am newly marrried annd am so worried I am such a miserable witch for my husband. He is very suportive emotionally but really these days i feel like i am losing it. The 'authorities' say until she gets completely incapacitated they cannot force her into a care home when she refuses. Right now, after so many meltdowns in a row, i am strongly considering ringing her doctor in the morning and telling her i cannot cope and just walking away. I am permanently angry, worried, sad, guilty and overwhelmed, along with being in constant pain from my condition. I feel so trapped and just want to run far, far away.
I like this site too! I need to vent because my elderly mother is driving me crazy with her controlling issues. I thought I was all alone too. Maybe we all can find some comfort and understanding on this site.
It helps to know we are not alone in this daunting task. Think of all the kids that abandon their parents during their final years. They just walk away. We have chosen to become caregivers which is the hardest job we'll ever have. And then on top of it, we beat ourselves up for feeling resentful, angry, and bitter. We have made a personal sacrifice and we are only human. Feel good about doing the best you can and accept that negative feeling come with the territory. We didn't walk away. Allow yourself these normal feelings. I became a member of this site yesterday and already feel better sharing and reading everyone's posts.
Yes, nothing like knowing we're not alone in balancing care-giving with the rest of life! So normal to feel overwhelmed with it all... Sometimes the smaller breaks and reminders during the day can help with overwhelm, as can sharing with others who get it.
@2burntout...........

You said it exactly. I love my Dad. He was always there for me and I will be there for him. He met my mom when he was 14 and she was 12. They never dated anyone else and were married in 1946. We lost my mom in December, 2010. He is now 90 and doing fairly well really but I promised my mom right before she died that I would take care of him. I took that promise very seriously. I don't plan on letting either one of them down.

With that being said I still get tired. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work all day and then go see him. I'd like to just go home straight from work one day. But then I feel guilty when I think that way.

It is just nice to come here and see that it is normal to feel like this. It REALLY helps to know it isn't just me being selfish.

I didn't really come here for advice. But I have found what I really needed. Just a shoulder to cry on sometimes when I get tired to others who can understand and relate.

It really helps me.
I am also very glad I found this site. It really helps knowing that you're not the only one in the world going through this challenging experience. It has also helped ease the isolation I was feeling. Just reading what others are posting and posting my own thoughts when relevant has helped me feel more connected to others. This is a hard job we're doing. Much too hard to do alone. I appreciate the folks who are using this site, the information they share and the support they give to each other.

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