It's about my husband, he is not supporting me.

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Every time we visit mom & I get frustrated & if she comments about my frustration, Richard (hubby)ALWAYS (& I mean Always)sides w/her!!!Where does that leave me? Shouldn't he be on MY side for a change??? I don't know what to do about that. If you think I have a temper - his is worse - no physical abuse nothing like that but if you suggest he stop going w/me on weekends, please don't he won't llike it - I have already asked him if he wants to stop Saturday visits (we only stay about 30 min or so)but he said "no, in for a penny, in for a pound" which is nice but he doesn't support ME!!!


Sex and Pasta. Just kidding. He sounds like a reasonable guy, just not realizing how this is effecting you. Have you told him it is hurting your feelings and why is he doing it? He feels sorry for your Mom and that is sweet, but he needs to be there for you, too. I recommend capellini with pesto, kalamata olives and chicken.
The least Richard could do is support you in front of your mother. M My husband used to do that and it really infuriated me. I confronted him and asked him what was he deal and told him to knock it off. He didn't realize it bothered me so much and very nicely stopped. If he had not, he would not have been accompanying me to see her. My mother was a handful, we had a horrible relationship and the last thing I wanted was to have my husband criticize me in front of her.
Tell Richard how you feel and if he can't respect you then go see mother alone or tell him to stay in the car. If he has a problem with anything you do or say, he can do it in the privacy of your home.
He gets frustrated with BOTH of us - when mom & I are going back & forth on a topic too - I learned how to control that - I follow his cue - I guess I'll just have to tell him WHEN it happens not AFTER the fact - since most men are notorious for not remembering wht they said anyway (I didn't mean any disrespect - male caregivers) I don't want to start an argument with him but he needs to respect my feelings too.
I really hate to say this, but Richard doesn't "feel sorry" for my mother - he does this out of duty - it's extremely difficult for both of us so when we see her he wants me to calm down AND takes mom's side - I just have to tell him that's all there is to it.
Krusso, been there, done that. My husband takes the other guy's side in everything. I am always the bad guy. So you are not alone. At least he takes the other side until the bedroom door is shut, then I am an angel and then he is on my side. Well we'll see about that.
Wow, I thought I was the only one - thank you brandywine1949 - you really made me feel better & better able to deal with it - & yes after we leave then Richard is back to being my husband - I know it's the frustration of dealing with both of us that gets him - anyway thank you!

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