Husband had palliative care in hospital before he died. Latter stage Alzheimer. Am now worrying about the morphine pump.
6 months in Nursing home. Then sent to psyc ward for meds evaluation. He was happy and contented. Nursing home then discharged him as they couldn't manage him as he resisted personal care. Back to a different psy ward as they claimed this would be more suitable. Am so angry as when he went inti NH they assured me they were specifically trained in Alyzheimers care in all stages. The second psy place was awful. Told me they had reduced his meds in order to establish some baseline. He was there for about two weeks while I fought for appointments with his doctors. To me he declined rapidly, a man who was able to walk around to a person huddled in a chair. Me being told that meds were being monitored. Long story short, he had to be admitted to hospital for infections and more tests. A short stay, then back to psyc ward, where he had to go back to hospital the next day. He remained in hospital with excellent care about two weeks and then consultant told me that he was in late stage alyzheimers and had days, a week or two to live. I informed all family members. They never helped in any way while I cared for him for eight years. They all wanted to visit him then and even took in People to see him. For the Five days he was in Pallitative care, I allowed no visitors into see him except family members only. Consultant agreed with me. He was also able to tell me that my husband had forgotten how to swallow. After a short time he was either unconscious or in a coma.. Family members kept coming and going. I stayed with him all the time except for short fresh air breaks. His niece stayed for the duration and my niece was on duty in maternity section so she helped me too. Long story short, I talked to him all the time, everyday things, jokes we used to share and eventually told him that if God wanted him to go, I would be fine and also his immediate family would be fine. I am certain he heard me. I am a chaplain so I said the prayers quietly. Then continued my watch with him holding his hand. He stared straight ahead quite a few times.. I said I bet you are seeing some lovely people or somethings you love. And kept reassuring him. Then niece said " I wonder who he is waiting for". These words haunt me as our son was not able to be with him. Why did she need to say anything?? Am crying as I write this. He was at peace, gently cared for by the nurses. They talked to him when they needed to make him comfortable. They were excellent. He was on a pump that I think was morphine. I don't know what happened but I called the Nurse and she gently told me the end was near. I focussed totally on him and he died peacefully in my arms. The Nurse gently said " Trudy he is gone now. I asked her to open a window. Then I noticed a type of throbbing in his neck and said " what's happening?" Niece piped in " he is not gone yet" her words haunt me too, the Nurse just stayed like an angel beside me as I continued to hold him. His head on my shoulder and his eyes closed. Both of us together in some place of peace for a while. I heard the texts being sent to family members. Can people not resist starting on mobiles? He died at 12.15 am on 27th February. I have not really cried until now. I organised his funeral the way he would have wanted it. I phoned our darling son much later in the morning. He lives over 80 miles away and has 4 sons. He had just changed to a new job so I didn't see the point of phoning him at that point. Am till aware of holding him... Then blank. Most of his family then started arriving. We are sitting in a room with tea etc. No one talking which was fine. Then priest arrived. I forgot to introduce myself to him. In fairness he didn't know anyone but was sitting beside my brother in law. They recognised each other from golf. Yes golf. Anyway we went back to my husband to say the prayers. A nephew took my car keys and drove me home. He stayed with me while I slept for a while. I kept total focus . Yes community were amazing . He had the funeral he deserved. I was aware that I wanted to do it his way and succeeded. He came home that evening looking so peaceful. His lovely grandchildren brought him gifts and pictures to take with him. I thought I would break completely when closing his coffin. I didn't. My son and I closed his coffin under the direction of undertakers and with door closed. This was our time. T got his wish to be at home until the morning of his Requium Mass. Hundreds of people coming and going. Church packed, guard of honour etc. Crowds of people around me. In fairness the people carried me. My grandsons and I did the readings. Will never forget my15 year old grandson reaching for my hand as we approached the alter to read. Then was totally aware of same grandson and his Dad carrying the coffin. Am now in total bits. On my own in a rural area. Remember standing on my own outside graveyard. Where is everyone? All gone to hotel for the meal we organised.