Anyone dealing with a husband accusing them of having an affair?

Follow
Share

My husband has not been completely diagnosed with dementia.(he is 76)
Doctors have started doing the test and waiting for the results of his scan.
He really believes I am sleeping with a guy who lives near us. He said he has seen me with him and seen what we do together. I have never given my husband any reason to think I would do this. We have been together for almost 50 years.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
6

Comments

Show:
HSC, this is how it works.

Your husband's disease makes him feel uneasy and afraid. He looks around to see what could be making him feel like that. There isn't anything in reality, because these feelings are caused by the disease itself making his brain malfunction; so to make sense of the feelings his brain grabs on to the nearest real thing (you) and makes up the rest of the picture.

Hence the platitude - which is true but not always comforting - that this is nothing personal. The downside is that, as explained, nothing you can say will correct your husband's current false belief. The upsides are that a) there is nothing you need to feel bad about because there is nothing you have done to deserve this, and nobody will think that there is; and b) that this phase will pass - and I hope for you that it will get its skates on, too.
(3)
Report

How sad you have to deal with this. I'm not dealing with a husband, but a FIL who thinks he and I are an "item." He believes we have been having a torrid affair for years and I'm just being coy in refusing his advances. Ack! Kind of the flip side of what you're going through.

There's no correcting what a person with dementia thinks. The part of their brain that exercises control over and can distinguish between fantasies, fears, and reality are gone. They really believe these confabulations.

It can take a while for you to find your own way to deal with your husband's state of mind. In the meantime, I hope you have someone to talk with, on whom you can rely and unburden. A therapist could also help.
(0)
Report

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It happened to me too but my husband didn't have Alzheimer's or dementia. He was always a suspicious person. About 17 years into our marriage, I started being accused of having affairs. (Our son was older and I started getting involved in more activities--bible study, scuba lessons, etc.)
I guess that was all it took for him to believe I was unfaithful. I had never even looked at another man since we met! Unfortunately, you can prove your guilt but you can't prove your innocence. His accusations wound up destroying a 35 year marriage. Too bad.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if a person was inwardly suspicious in the early years, it can come out in dementia when the "social filters" are gone. They also accuse others of stealing, physical abuse, etc. Their poor brains can't distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Please don't pay it any mind. You know that you're faithful. Try to let it pass and not eat at you. If you can't let it go, see a counselor.
(1)
Report

Lataza My husband told me also he wants to sell the house and get a divorce.
I could not believe it the first time he said that to me.
Tonight has been a very difficult time for .
Thank you so much.
It is comforting to know I am not the only one out there with these problems.
albeit I still find it very difficult to deal with.
Hopefull it will get easier with time.
(0)
Report

My husband with Alzheimer's has been accusing me of dating for a long time. Now I just tell him I'm not dating and then let him rant. I have learned from this forum and from experience that you can't argue with dementia. Most of the things his mind has conjured up and he believes I don't even contradict anymore. His rants usually progress to him saying he wants to sell the house and get a divorce. I just say ok. The next morning he is nicer..........until late afternoon.

He has never told me that he has seen me with another man but he does check the closets to see if I'm hiding someone. Going through this phase is difficult but after a while you may find that it doesn't bother you as much as it used to. Of course, everyone's emotional response to their particular situation is different.
(2)
Report

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I have not dealt with this personally. However, my good friend has. Prior to her husband's passing, he would accuse her every time she would visit him in the nursing home. The two were in their 80's. Of course there was nothing inappropriate going on. This was very hurtful to Mrs. Sue. But, he was certain there was something going on and would get angry when accusing her. All I can say based on what Ms. Sue told me is.....remember your husband is not in his right mind. He would never accuse you otherwise. Yes, it is very hurtful but you must keep reminding yourself he is not himself and most importantly, prayer. You can find peace and comfort thru prayer. I Hope this helps.
(3)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions