Need some thoughts on how serious this is.

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I feel like I live in the land of Loony Toons. Everything seems upside down, but I don't know how serious it all is. My mother has been going more off the deep end the last 2-3 weeks. She seems normal enough except being more emotional. She cries at the drop of a hat and threw a tantrum this morning that shook the house. I can handle these things, though they aren't pleasant.

My mother's obsession with something being wrong with the floor has gotten worse. She thinks the house is on stilts and cracks between the floor boards are letting cold air in. Nothing is wrong with the floor, besides being old. She has had this obsession for over 2 years. I bought huge rugs to put down in the rooms she uses. They cover almost the entire floor and are quite thick and heavy.

A few minutes ago I went into her room and she has her whole floor covered with comforters and towels. The rug and bar floor were totally covered. I could barely walk on the floor without tripping. This is what worries me about the craziness. It is an accident waiting to happen.

We went through this before I bought the rugs. She would put towels down, I would pick them up, she would put them back down. I keep handling things like this is something normal, but my insides are saying that living has gotten to be frakking nutty. And actually I don't know what needs to be done -- ultimatums? NH? Living with it and hoping for the best? I thought about talking to my brothers, but they don't care. One would tell me that it isn't so bad, that old people do this, and the other would say do what I think best. I would much rather hear from people who have been through this type of thing about things to do.

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My mom doesn't have dementia, but I've learned not to tell her we're going somewhere ahead of time or I'll get a litany of reasons why she doesn't want to go and isn't up to it. Now I just go over and say, "We're going" and get her dressed and we go. MUCH easier on both of us!
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We too do not mention appointments to my MIL. She too obsesses. It does wonders!
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Something that helps me at times is to step outside the situation and look at it like a sit-com. It makes it all not seem so serious and depressing. If we need to live it, may as well try to make it more live-able.
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To you all who are dealing with what appears to be end stage dementia and narcissism, my best wishes. Something that I found works for us, is never telling Mom about anything beforehand. Not visits, not weddings, not nothing! When it happens, it's a nice surprise. We started doing this to save OUR sanity because she'd obsess over everything for months on end; last summer, before my son got married and she had declared that she wasn't going to the wedding, her doctor said to me "please don't try to talk her into it now; she'll drive us ALL crazy all summer long!" he was right. Mom had a stroke (I'm convinced it's because of the 90th birthday party we gave, where the very few guests brought small gifts. She obsessed over the thank you notes and stroked out). On a more sobering note, in September, when she was already in memory care, she broke her hip. they did a scan of her skull/brain to make sure there was no concussion; the picture was sobering. There's more space than brain at this point, so we "get" why her reasoning isn't there anymore. Something to keep in mind.
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JB it never occurred to me until a mutual friend said some time ago "Well, your mother's never been happy with anything" and she was so right. Looking back as far as I can remember, nothing was ever big enough, good enough or grand enough and she was never happy in her life. Never mind keeping up with the Jones's, she had to have more and be better than the Jones's. It never occurred to her that a big fancy house can be mortgaged to the hilt, an expensive car leased and that those she so admired were likely in debt up to their eyeballs.

When you find your inner child have her look back over how your mother has been all her life. Some folks just are never happy and nothing can make them happy. {{{huggs}}}
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I can understand that, Ashlynne. Whether they are ill or not, being jerked around is no fun. I do wonder at myself and the need to make her happy, knowing that it is not possible. It must be that stupid inner child again. I'm going to have to locate that inner child and tell her to knock it off before she drives the adult me crazy. :)
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JB I can't and will not deal with the looney tunes any more for the sake of my own health.
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JB I know what you mean about eyes. My mother has a blank look a lot of the time and a little evil manic smile when she's cooking up some manipulative lie or story. I've tried to figure out what stage of dementia she's at but I can't find anything definitive. She's totally irrational, demanding, accusatory and delusional. I don't visit too much now as it was affecting my health.

When the hospital returned her to the NH after another stroke a few months ago they deemed her "palliative". She can't sit up or stand alone and will never walk again. She weighs less than my big labrador. I can't get a prognosis from anyone and the nurses/doctors just say we have to take things one day at a time.

I backed away almost 2 weeks ago after having a TIA due to the years of stress. Since then, apart from basic chores, I've been resting and sleeping a lot and I'm starting to feel better. Almost 2 p.m. and once the dishes are done I'm going back to bed with my dogs and taking a nap.
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Her doctor told her no towels and blankets on the floor. It worked for a day, but today they were back on the floor, so I took them up. She has decided her new bed is all wrong and she can't sleep on it. Then there was another crazy-making incident. I had put down a secure floor covering in the hall -- the rubber pieces that fit together like a puzzle. She decided she couldn't walk on it, so I took them up and put them in the rabbit room. This morning she said I needed to put them back in the hall, because it made it easier to walk. I told her they were no longer available, which is true because I'm not going to move them again.

I had decided yesterday to do things to make her life happier until she died. I realize, of course, that it was wishful thinking. There's really no way to make her happy. She is already stressing over my brother's visit in April. She is pressing me on cooking a huge feast and inviting everyone. Today I'm hiding out in my room, trying to put a little order to the chaotic hoard that is accumulating. Clutter drives me crazy. I wish I could get a little bulldozer and go through the house, pushing everything out the doors. That would feel good. My mother is a hoarder. I was able to get everything manageable, but it is still too cluttered to clean. It drives me crazy, because I am just the opposite.
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Hope things work out. Hugs!!!
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