How many will cry and say they miss her and didn't get to see her when she's gone even though they DON'T CARE while shes alive?

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Just need to vent AGAIN. My mom has 27 grand kids and great grandkids and 5 daughters and a sister and her family. How many have called to ask her to visit this year?? BIG FAT ZERO !!!!! No doubt they will be singing the blues when there is a funeral. crying that they didn't get to see her in the last years of her life........BULL HOCKEY It makes me sick This care giver stuff is lonely and its even lonelier when the one your caring for has ZEEEEEERO support outside of yourself. I suppose they would care a little more if they thought there was something in it for them at the end
( money ) but theres not, so they just don't care... period. You find out who your REAL friends and family are when your in your darkest hour. My eyes have never been clearer.......and its so disgusting what they see....I have to believe there is Karma ahead for some people... its all I have...


heres another one for you to copy, paste and save CVSMich..........
I came to peace with my brothers' lack of involvement with my mother. Their relationship with her is between them and her. In the case of my family, my parents didn't pull the family in for 80 years, so we really can't expect anybody to be close now. My mother isn't happy with it, but I do know that she reaped the crop she sowed. I don't know if it the same with your family, golflady, but it feels better to let their relationships be their own personal business and not involve ourselves emotionally. I don't expect grandchildren to be around their grandparents. That's not unusual. The children are different, but I suspect that most are not around during their parents' last years on earth.
Isn't it interesting that in some families the children are gathered around and encouraged to "pull together" and act like a team.....yet in others they are constantly scrutinized, compared, pitted up against each other, the parents looking for the one who is the "weakest link". It is interesting that sometimes we can finally put the family pieces of the puzzle together at the end of a life. It is a shame that we can't all work together to care for our elders, but is always seems that there is a lot of drama. Hang in there! is very lonely GolfLady!.

I am in the exact same position.. I am the Only one my parents have.. even though they have 4 children, my mom has 2 much younger sibling who live in town. When there is a medical crisis they all call and want me to give "updates".. from afar of course. Not one of them volunteers to come sit with my mom .. physically be there for her. They just appease their conscience by asking for "updates".

My siblings no longer send them gifts or cards.. only one still calls on any regular basis and that is only once a week. My sister actually told my mom she was too busy to text her back.. mom checks her ipad every day to see if she texts her. Can you imagine? A text takes all of half a second out of your miserable life.

My parents weren't perfect.. but they were loved in their younger years..I remember they ALWAYS got cards and gifts, visits for mothersday , fathers day Christmas, birthdays.. now they are lucky if they even get a call. now no one wants to spend time with them .. or help out in any way.

Its very sad and it does make me view the world differently.. I need to work on the anger and resentment though because it is eating ME UP.. they of course are fine with themselves and are going along their merry way.

All this to say.. that I understand.. it IS tough to go through this all alone!
Count me in this club too! I'm working through my own resentment and anger as well. It's disheartening to see how many just vacate altogether with little or no contact when it's needed most. I'm amazed at how quickly it happens and from folks I never would have expected this from. My brother cuts the grass and calls sometimes, but only offers help when he'll get paid or get something out of it for the most part. The only time I hear from him otherwise is when he needs something. Sick of it. My hub has been a godsend or I would be done. I think sometimes about my brother and others pray it doesn't happen to you one day. It's terrible to get into elder years and be abandoned.

A few years ago I went to visit a friend's mom in a rehab center and when I left residents were sitting or standing outside the door saying how nice to see your mom. I said she's not my mom but a friend's mom. They looked shocked and now understand why a lot better. One of my goals is to start visiting some of these places to support those who have no one or maybe one or a few that shoulder the burden of care giving to support them. Because my parents, especially my mom, consume so much time now it's hard to do, but it is something I want to offer in honor of them when they're gone.
When she dies, don't even tell them. See how long it takes for them to notice. That way you can sort through her things without constantly hearing "But she promised ME I could have that."
I agree about the grandkids ( although at their grandpas funeral last year they were all so destroyed because they didn't see him enough ) it is NOT their place. Its the OTHERS. The last siblings and her daughters. I agree its the people who you least expect to abandon you who do it the quickest. It sure can change a person. I have already come to the conclusion if she dies in my house in my state I will NOTarrange a funeral service for these people in her home state. That's not my job. They can arrange and PAY for it themselves I'll have no part of it. No doubt I'll be the one to pay for the cremation ALONE and that's going to be my contribution. They can all go suck an egg.
If I couldn't come here and spill my guts sometimes, I don't know what I would do !! THANK YOU ALL !! Your supposed to be able to count on FAMILY. But when you get abandoned by them when you need them the most, its like a DAILY punch to the gut. I have my Hubby to talk to, but the poor guy is LIVING the nightmare with me, so I like to give him a break in the complaint dept once in a
I agree golflady! I've come here many times when I felt I couldn't take it anymore, sometimes in tears and ended up reading something that made me laugh really hard and/or made me feel less alone and frustrated. Something that reminded me not to feel sorry for myself so much sometimes. This forum has contributed greatly to well being and those around me. I thank God every day a friend told me about this place.
My situation is more like JessieBelle's. As far as her kids go, my mother is pretty much reaping what she sowed. Two of us are helping her regularly, a third very occasionally, and the other four feel free not to bother to even call or send cards. I don't believe that any of my siblings, or their children, will be crying that they didn't get to spend enough time with my Mom. I think they'll be glad that her elder years came and went without them having to get involved.

The one sister who is helping a lot is only doing out of a sense of fairness to me. The others don't have the sense of fairness. It took a long time for me to accept that about my siblings. As for my mother, she could care less as long as her needs are getting met. She'd rather have me, in any event. I've been doing it long enough to know what she needs and she doesn't have to explain anything to me, like where the groceries go when you unpack them or how she likes her sheets tucked in when you make up her bed. It's easier for her to rely on me, and I don't think she gives her other kids a second thought.

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