Hospice killed my mom.

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My mother was 68 years old. Her health was bad she was on dialysis.23 hour oxygen and her heart was weak.We all knew she was dying and had known for two years.Mom fought death with all she had.Her doctor on the other hand didn't seem to fight all that hard.He was 9nly concerned with mom stopping dialysis he seemed to be trying to talk my mom into dying but she wasn't giving up.Her doctor knew how sick she was and he gave her med to make her sleep she would fall asleep so easy and she did one night while sitting on the toilet my sister in law talked her into going to the hospital two days after she fell.She was in the hospital one week before she died.she had a black eye and a nasty cut on her head but she was awake alert responsive eating and drinking just hrs before being told her doctor had order she be taken off dialysis a hospice nurse talked her and my dad into in hospital hospice until the time came that her body shut down from not being on dialysis. Hospice was going to make her comfortable until the end we were told she would probably last about two weeks.She was moved from her room to a hospice care room giving a shot of morphine as soon as she got on the hospice floor. She went to sleep five mins later and was dead six hours later she never even got to yell us bye.I feel so guilty for not taken her home to care for her.If oo nly we would've knew about hospice killing off their patients with morphine we would have done things differently. She may have only lived a day without that shot we don't know but I do know I would give anything for one more day with my mom

19 Comments

My mom passed away june 14th 2016 at athens regional hospital athens ga.
Im sorry thats 24hr oxygen
I am so sorry about your mother's death. That is a very young age. Certainly you would have wished for her to live longer.

She died on her own schedule. Hospice is set up to decrease the pain and distress of the final passing. They do not take lives. I've experienced Hospice with my mother (who got better and "graduated" from the program) and my husband who was on it five weeks before dying. Initially hospice expected Mom to die within days. But that was not her agenda. She got well. She certainly still has dementia but two years later she is pleasant and enjoying her days. Hospice was expecting my husband to live a few more weeks and was very surprised when I called to say he was gone and I needed them to arrange for the body to be removed. An autopsy showed that he did die of the dementia he had lived with for ten years, but that he was very close to dying from a heart condition -- it was surprising he hadn't died of that.

Many of us would give anything to have our loved one with us even one more day. Anything but watching them suffer, be in unspeakable pain, or be heavily in distress.

Your mother died when her body was ready for her to die. I am very, very sorry that it was in her sixties. Certainly you wanted her longer!

Taking your mother home to care for her may not have changed anything -- probably not. You made the decision that you honestly thought was right at the time (and it probably was right.) Don't let feelings of guilt get in the way of the genuine and legitimate feelings of loss and mourning.
When a loved one dies, it is natural to look for things that could have prevented the death. Death is a mystery. My mother was here, but now there's just this body. Even if you have strong religious faith, the person you love has disappeared from your life in this world, and you miss them.

Please try not to torture yourself. Your mother in heaven may be irritated that she didn't get to say goodbye, but that happens to lots of people. Your mother showed her love by the way she treated you when she was alive. For me, my late mother isn't really gone, because she lives in my heart every day.

Would your mother want you to be at peace? I bet she would. Remember her and enjoy her memory, and remind yourself that her pain is over. I hope that time brings you acceptance, as it did for me.
I'm sorry for your loss..

But truth be told your Mom died from heart failure and kidney disease.. To help her cross over peacefully is what hospice did..

Again I'm sorry you feel guilty.. Hopefully time will heal.. But there was nothing you or hospice could do to make your Mom healthy again.. Hugs..
Aw, hun, she chose to end dialysis, and if she was "awake alert responsive eating and drinking just hrs before" then she could have told them she changed her mind right up to the moment she lost consciousness, but she didn't do that. I'm sorry for you that it all happened so quickly and you didn't get a chance to say your goodbyes, but I am happy for her for that same reason, and that she didn't endure a long, drawn out ordeal. There are those here who cared for a LO at home up to the end and are still traumatized by the experience. Your parents chose to spare you that, they chose hospice. Try to accept that.
So sorry Rosiesdaughter that your mother passed at such a relatively young age.
Try and find peace in that she died comfortably. The Drs knew from her blood work that the dialysis was no longer working so no point in continuing to put her through. Kidney failure is not a nice way to die so try and be thankful for the care she received.
HOSPICE uses Morphine Wether or not the patient is in pain!! Then they increase it, and increase it. My Mother couldn't recognize us anymore. They knew exactly when she would die. We all gathered around her. Then they gave her high doses of a sedative to slow and stop her breathing!!!! 15 minutes later her breathing slowed and she died. You are right. They assist in people dying. It's like assisted suicide. But I always said they killed my Mother. High doses of Morphine kills people. Sedatives slow down the breathing.
It's not assisted suicide! They did not kill your Mom! They made her comfortable when she needed it most. If they had not given your Mom morphine she would have been in great distress and you would probably have begged them to give her more.

My Mom was not in hospice care when she died. She was in palliative care in hospital. Which amounts to the same thing. They were giving her morphine at regular intervals to keep her comfortable. One time when I was sitting with her she started to moan and cry cause the morphine had worn off. Would I have liked her to be awake and with me? Yes.......but I did not want her to be in discomfort so I agreed to the morphine. Period. They did not kill her.

RosiesDaughter,
So sorry for your loss, and that you did not get to say goodbye.

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