Horror stories of hell raged parents.

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My story is about parents of 92 who have been together since they were 21, and live in their own house 100 miles from me. I am 65 and have always been close to me mother. They are both getting quite frail and can't walk very well because my father has a recurring pain in one leg and my mother is very unsteady on her feet. They have both been concerned about whether they may have to go into a 'home' or sell their house to get a warden run flat. However, last May Bank holiday, my husband and I visited to do their garden, get in the shopping and do some cooking for them, and all went well on the Saturday. Sunday was a different matter. I started to talk about doing up their rockery, and my father said 'oh no, not worth it the house will only be sold'.?? I said, well you don't know that (for the past 20 years they had left the house to me in their Wills). Oh no, he said, we have changed our Wills, and spitefully added that they had given my brother money (for his struggling business) 'because YOU never came into business with us??? And anyway, we told you two years ago. I said I knew nothing about it, and then his rage kicked off 'we told you, we told you' and my mother chipping in 'course he did, course he did'. This was a shocking blow to me, as he had changed Will 20 years ago because he had handed £200,000 + contained in a limited company of which all 4 of us were directors, and this was all done behind my back at the time, and I only found out when my parents asked me to sign saying I was no longer director of said company, and my father telling me that the company 'wasn't worth anything' and your brother will look after you! So now I know that once again my brother and his wife had manipulated and exploited them to get them to change their Wills and give them money! I think my father had built up guilt over two years and that's why he told me, hoping I wouldn't notice. But when I did notice he treated me with contempt and disregard and made like it was nothing important. The rest of that day I bit my tongue and carried on in shock, shopping and cooking for them, and finishing the garden, and not once did either of them try to explain anything to me. The following day, I asked him to put things right, and all hell broke loose and he ranted and raged at me with personal abuse and character assassination, until I got up to leave, when he told me don't come here again. I said, my mother needs me, and he added, 'We don't need your help". My life from that point came crashing down, and I descended into the worst nightmare of a nervous breakdown, wanting to kill myself, seeing a counsellor and taking anti-depressants and practically ending up in a mental ward! When my daughter wrote to her grandmother and said I had been crumbling into a million pieces over three months, and that I was completely broken, my mother responded with "my bad temper" because I walked out presumably, and that their poor son worked his butt off trying to keep a roof over the heads of his employees (so clearly they have been made to feel responsible for his workforce) and they 'don't have to tell me anything' apparently. Oh and when my daughter asked why her uncle and aunt don't speak to her as well as her mother (me), my mother replied that it was my decision??? My Sister-in law has seen off numerous people, my brother's Son from another marriage, my father from the business he worked in with my brother, one year after she got her hands on their £200,000. He had to 'retire' as he was 74 or thereabouts and mother needed him (apparently).
I haven't spoken to my parents since, but they decided to send me a birthday card in October with a cheque for £100.00, and I felt nothing at all, but I noticed my poor mother's shaky hand writing. I took the card to be an invite to come back and fall into line and be subjugated to my brother (Trustee of Will) and his evil wife who will now take over the house and clear it when they die. Even writing this now makes me feel like vomiting as my Sister in law has always studiously ignored me at family gatherings, and she spends her time drip drip dripping poison about people behind their backs and my parents knew that we not been on speaking terms for many years, yet she handed everything over to my brother to take care of when they die. And apparently, 'they don't have to sell the house now' I learned in May? Because, presumably, my brother has promised to look after them. I am now waiting to see the house be changed into the name of my brother! And I am the baddie. Discredited, stigmatised, and thrown out. Deceived, betrayed and humiliated, subjugated and violated, and my wound is deep and continuing, even though I am resuming some sort of normal life! I have built a wall to protect myself, so no longer cry all the time or wake in the middle of the night, or need anti-depressants. I no longer know what to do, as I think they have mild dementia and my dad crazy!

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Jenny, there are very strict rules which are closely supervised by the Office of the Public Guardian related to how people with Lasting Power of Attorney must conduct themselves. An LPA, whether for health and welfare or for finance, will not enable anyone to help himself to your parents' property; nor can someone with LPA change the donor's will. Visit the OPG's pages if you like - they're on the directgov main site - which explain everything in detail; and they also have a helpline you can ring if there's a specific concern. Wishing you well x
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I just want to say thank you to all who have commented and given me good advice, and I am continuing to protect myself and get well. I realise though, that this nightmare is going to continue and my wound never really goes away. It occurs to me that my brother and SIL will probably try to organise POA in near future now my brother has retired, and is then going to be able to get their house deeds! It hurts si much that my parents arranged things for their future behind my back, and have treated me so brutally. I want to believe they have dementia and dont know what they are doing, as their behaviour is so out of character, but perhaps I will never know?
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Jenny, in reality, you may end up caring for your parents once bro and SIL has gone through theirs and your parents money. I've read of this happening over and over on this site. Once your parents have no home (sold) and the money gone through, they will be left on the "poor relation" sibling. Like it's your responsibility to care for them in their old...just as they cared for you as a child. (By the way, this is in no way a good comparison! It's completely Wrong thinking. Their money should go to their care in their old age - not to your bro.) So, no matter how much your parents have hurt you, I think, deep down you know that they will end up at your doorstep. Hence, Veronica's advice to you to Plan Ahead in case this happens. I agree, no need to talk to the parents but you do need to plan for this scenario. All I can say is this - You Do Not Want to invite them into your very own home with a father having that kind of an attitude with you. Your mom will not go against him. And you will end up having disharmony in your own home. Hence, Veronica asking if there's a way to have them live near you or an area that is closed off in your home for them to reside. Plan ahead just in case....
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Hi, Veronica, His company has been taken over together with workforce, with the exception of my brother who is 'retiring'. He has therefore, got a substantial payoff. He can now 'care' for my parents as will have free time. I am sure they will be calling me names to my parents and work towards getting them to 'tie up loose ends' regarding the Will, now I am out of the picture, so will probably work towards getting POA! I am (or was) still to get something in the Will according to what they said to me, but as my father tells lies, who knows? My parents bow and scrape to them and trust them implicitly. I guess they do feel 'safe' with them as someone said! They are such willing victims and clearly won't blame my brother for causing them the pain they have gone through the past 6 months, oh no, it will be my fault. (I know they were still 'in shock' as they replied to my daughter's letter to them in Sept! All my fault for not lying down and 'taking a good kicking' from my father (metaphorically speaking)! My SIL is a controller from hell. Thanks for your cemments.
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Jennymac,
The money has gone, vaporized into the cauldron of the witch your brother married.
He will be so very sorry when he finds out but that is his problem so don't make it yours, he is so undeserving of any pity you might have. Let him live in squalor when the debt collectors come calling and his wife is sunning her self in the Bahamas.
Now your parents are another story, they are going to feel they have been poleaxed just as you did when they attacked you. I feel they attacked you from pure fear that you would find out what was going on and try to stop it. I am sure they knew about the sale but went along because they saw it as their only way out of financial ruin They are 92 and don't have the strength to fight such a battle.
Now your parents may become destitute especially once their house is sold from under them. Why do you think you saw that fear in your mothers eyes? Are you strong enough and have the resources to help them? Will your family support you? What has been your husbands input in all this? Think ahead what will be the best solution for your parents and your own family? they are still independent and probably will still have some funds once this is sorted out. Could they rent something small close to you? Could you convert part of your home into separate living quarters? Do they need ALF? Think about all these things and make enquires so you have some facts at your fingertips. Do not do anything or approach them unless there is a crisis until they contact you. brother and wife will be long since out of the picture. be strong you are their only hope now between them and the poorhouse Good Luck
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Thanks Bookluvr. I am doing exactly that - detaching! However, every day at some point I have a wobble and an overwhelming urge to write and let them know what they have done. But then that desire fades and I stick to my guns! "Best way to get even is to forget" I read some months ago when I saw this profound thought regarding letting go of resentment. This helped me get over nervous breakdown. I do keep thinking my mother has been brainwashed and I keep seeing the pleading look in her eyes that she gave me on the first day the bad news came out, so it is difficult. Worse is that I thought we had the closest relationship possible between mother and daughter, so her betrayal poleaxed me! It hurts me afresh every day when the post comes, pathetically, and nothing arrives (i dont really expect it to) but I cant help hoping and that the nightmare will end! Oh well, onwards and upwards!
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I'm sorry, Jenny. Right now you're in a very vulnerable situation. Your parents words almost pushed you to suicide. And now you're seeing the full picture of them and brother. Truly, I still think this is like a Sign for you to see that it's time to perhaps concentrate more on your immediate family? Your parents will now be secondary - and even that - with guardedness. It's like Emjo said - detach emotionally, set boundaries. Protect yourself from them.
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Truth is I am numb. Legs shaky every morning. And, discovered that brother has sold company in Aug (from Internet). So now free to care for them with me out of the way, and they can be one big happy family. Bet they haven't handed the money back they had from my parents two years ago! Go back? Sometimes things are just toi vile and nasty, and, pressued or not, my father felt enormous guilt but did it anyway! And raged at me so much I almost killed myself. I have no feelings left!
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I don't think it's about the money. I think it's about what the money says about love; more specifically about who is loved best. Only, Jenny, honestly - the money isn't saying what you think it's saying, because it's not just about you.
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Btw .. let me add .. I *have* made a similar decision in my life: except that it wasn't about money, it was about pride. I wanted to know that I was loved, regardless of what they thought about me. My struggle was that I thought I really wanted them to know I was guiltless, that I was good, that I'd done nothing wrong. I had to decide that my pride didn't matter.

And, in the long run, it didn't. I gave up all thought of being exonerated and moved forward. It's move I'll never regret.

I hope the same for you.
Blessings,
LadeeC
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