Holidays and the hateful siblings pretending they are the "good" ones...

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So once again the great holidays are upon us and how do I deal with the siblings that do not interact with me at ALL??? I am my mom's full time caregiver whom has never defended me with my siblings at all. I just had surgery and the recovery is going as planned. My sister and brother do not call me or in any other way try to at least maintain the appearance that I am their sister. Yet, she told my mom that she wanted to find out what I was going to do for Thanksgiving! No matter how much mom doesn't want them to show up she will not say anything to them. So of course the stress just shows up in her glucose readings and the worsening of her dementia symptoms. And I am the lucky one to deal with it.

I have told them over and over but they do not care! Therefore, I came up with my solution. I told my mom: if they come, then YOU spend the day with them. If they don't then you spend the day with US. Other than that I am going to spend the day how I want to spend it! How are some of you handling this problem?

4 Comments

I like your enthusiasm!

If neither of you want the added stress of them showing up... just say no? not fair that your mom has to spend the day with them :)
JeanetteB,
You would think that mom would tell them that. But, although they never help or care to do what she wants, she STILL will not tell them...She is very passive and does not want to upset them. Why?? Go figure....I gave up a long time ago.
Don't rely on the mom said she said stuff. Mom could be making it up. Dementia can be very manipulative. Make your plans and stick to them, mom is trying to muddy the waters.
Don't let a person with dementia call the shots. They aren't able to handle matters. They often don't have the judgment to make the proper decisions. Dementia may cause a person to think they don't need to use their walker, but they do. Dementia may cause them to believe they don't have diabetes anymore, but they do. We can't allow them to suffer because they make the wrong call. It sounds like these family members may cause mom too much stress. That's not in her best interest. No apologies. If I did that to a family member, I would stay clear.

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