They say, "Be careful what you wish for".

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Since my husband put his Mom in the nursing home, she is getting better, which is what we wished for. They have been working with her feet trying to make it so that she will be able to stand and get to the potty. That would be wonderful and what we wish for. Because she had been laying in bed so long, she laid there crossing her legs or feet and her feet turned inward toward each other and "froze" that way.

However...they haven't been able to get a grip on her diarrhea. I don't know what is keeping her alive. If I had diarrhea for a year, I would be dead a long time ago. But, if they get her able to stand up to get over to the bedside potty, I'll just have a mess to clean up, not only off the bed and her, but off the floor and potty, too, and I wasn't wishing for that.

Maybe I should just wish they don't fix her feet. She's 93 now. I got news yesterday that her sister-in-law passed and she was 97. Gosh people live a long time nowadays. I can't imagine taking care of her in this condition until she is that old.


I don't have any sage advice, but what you wrote makes me think about the quality of life that we can expect as we age. We are alive longer but are we "living" when our primary goal in life is doing our business on the can instead on the floor or in bed? I wish the best for you and your MIL. I know my turn is coming up for those same issues.
It used to be a matter of dignity, but now it's just a matter of routine. No apologies. In fact, one comment was "I'm sure glad I did that before he (her son) got home so he wouldn't have to smell or see that". It was OK that I had to go through it, but Heaven forbid that he would have to know she did that. Little did she know I told him all the nasty details. It's only fair he know what I go through handling his mother since he brought her here without asking me if I would do this--just saying "WE are going to take care of Mom." WE who?
Funnier, why can't they figure out what is wrong with her bowels? Has she had a colonoscopy? Is she taking meds or eating an allergic food that is causing it? I would put her on the "white food diet" and make her live on the toilet. Sorry. I suppose at 93 the GI tract is worn out. Blessed are the Caregivers:) xo
Or switch out her Ensure with Pepto Bismol. (I'm kidding) I understand the "no choice" issue a little. We got custody of my MIL when we had to report my husband's sister for Elder Abuse. I NEVER thought I would have to live with that woman.
Anyway, maybe your hubby might need a reality check? It sounds like he might be floating down "Denial." Why don't you plan a little overnighter with your girlfriends or even alone and have him momsit? Nothing like diapers to change for a dose of reality.
I would insist that her GI issues be addressed before she comes back home. Gosh! Is she in pain or just can't tell it is going to happen?

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