If I had it all to do over again, here's what I would do differently...
My eldercare journeys are over now. But looking back, here's what I would do differently. Maybe this will help someone. And help us all as we think about our own aging, and what's needed at each changing stage.
#1 I would insist on getting the hospital bed, and wheel chair, before they were "needed." Because when the elder person gets pneumonia, or flu, or anything that weakens and incapacitates them, suddenly there you are, with the necessity to move an adult person, and that equipment is what you need to save your back!
#2 I would buy our own wheelchair for her to have at rehab when she first went to the nursing facility with pneumonia. Because that's why she got pressure sores on the outside of her thigh -- their wheelchair they sat her in was too tight!
#3 I would take training in how to wash and diaper a prone person, before that skill was needed.
#4 I would talk about the paranoia and irrationality that can come with pneumonia, and bladder infections (if I had only known!), and make agreements ahead of time. And set up calming routines of music and words.
#5 I would study bladder and bowel issues in elderly, so I could know when something was an emergency or not.
#6 I would find a doctor who would come to the house.