Her guests are now my guests.

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Since my MIL (dementia) moved into my house, her only surviving child (my deceased husband's brother) stops by to "visit." I should be happy about that but he never calls ahead of time......just pops in at odd hours. Then he stays and stays .......talking to me - not her. If I leave the room to do something else, he follows me!! So just venting, when she moved in - her "visitors" did too and that's something I didn't even think about previously.

10 Comments

Boundaries, Maria - lovely to chat, but not while you're working/cooking/washing your hair/bathing MIL…!

For the not calling in unexpectedly bit, remind him that he needs to check you're there to avoid wasted journeys, and that you need to know he's coming because you might have run out of coffee (and because it's basic good manners, but it's harder to explain that). OR, you could ask him to call ahead because you might need him to pick something up for you on his way! - Make him feel useful and actually BE useful! That would be a cool move if you can pull it off.

In a way, it's nice that he thinks he's found a friend? But I sympathise with The Curse of The Home Office - spent fifteen years as the neighbourhood agony aunt. Got some good stories, though! - and, well, deadlines, shmedlines.
Put him to work. Ask him to take out the garbage, fold her laundry (not yours) even mow the lawn. Surest way I know of to make a man disappear.
I wonder if he's ever showed up and you weren't home?

You know you have to tell him to "please let me know when you are coming"! But how to say it to not offend him is the question? Just bite the bullet and do it. I'm sure you have enough to worry about daily and don't need to keep thinking about his inconsideration!! Good luck!
PS you cynic!
Maria does your BIL have designs on you maybe?
Countrymouse: Veritas Vos Liberabit LOL
Designs on me? This guy is the opposite of my DH and I couldn't be less interested. But yes it is very uncomfortable for me. I adored my husband and will love him forever and still consider myself very married. The brother creeps me out and I don't like it at all. I desperately miss DH.........in every corner of my life.
BIL has the right to visit his mom so I guess I'll just be waiting with my car keys beside me on the couch at all times and as soon as he appears - I'll take off to Starbucks or somewhere. Hear my resentment in this post?
Aww, could be his misses his brother, too, or has regrets that he didn't know him better, and you're the link. Don't resent him, just push him away gently. Getting him to MIL-sit is a GOOD idea all round - he'll feel all warm and virtuous and you get time off yippee!!!
CM you softy. I don't think this man would understand softly. I think Maria has to tell him firmly to go back and visit with his mother and either go out or have a project in another room that she needs to concentrate on - like shaving her legs. I know Maria never wants another man in her life but she could drop lots of hints that she has met several interesting men maybe at work or church or where she volunteers.
I personally think it is only polite to call ahead when visiting anyone, but I also know some families who drop in on each other all the time, with no notice, and none of them consider it rude. Maybe BIL honestly has no idea he is expected to call first. Tell him!

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