Help. I'm tapped out and we are feeling trapped.

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FIL has Alzheimer's and stage 4 Parkinson's Disease. I am perfectly okay with feeding him, making sure he's safe, getting him to his many doctor appointments. I am not okay with doing EVERYTHING for him when he is still capable of participating in his own life and well being. I get that Alzheimer's messes with his ability to think, to remember, to be whole. I also get the look on his face when he's manipulating. When he's just too darn lazy to do for himself. I am tired of being on his case constantly about everything. Jon told me his dad (adopted which he just found out) has always been inherently lazy. I hear when you age and our abilities to control ourselves are lessened that your character defects or assets (which ever are front and center) are magnified.....uh....yeah.

My question is this....do we just let him sit in his recliner and dwindle away? We are open to adult day care if we can find one we can afford and that will take him (he's urinary incontinent).So far they are way out of our budget. He is not Medicaid eligible. He does not have any liquid assets. We do have investments we can divest but are reluctant to do so as we foresee we will need them in the future to pay for his nursing/nursing home care.

FYI...my husband works full time to make ends meet. He helps however he can. We are at such a loss as to what to do but we both know something has to change. Looking for any suggestions/solutions.

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Urinary incontinent equals depends.. nuff said. Day care here will take them with depends, and is very reasonable.. maybe 25 a day and they pick up and deliver with lunch! However, we could not get dad to go. And I don;t think he would have liked being away from Mom,,, he is always looking for her even is he doesn;t remember her that day. Please think twice about liquidating YOUR assests for his care.... try other options first
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thats the difficult part of dementia / alz . traits that youve already grown weary of are amplified . id suggest a legal caregiver agreement and let the old curmudgeon compensate you for your hard work . he can pay you a dam site less than what he'd pay a care facility and get a lot better care at the same time.. its a big sacrifice of your life and you dont necessarily owe it to an inlaw..
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