I do help as much as possible, but Mom really hates me. Help.
I moved home to change careers. Dad got sick & died of cancer. I left school to care for him. I am stuck at home getting help from my mom till I graduate. I'm back in school but mom hates me. I buy food, clean the house, do lots of things. Since I have been here, her health has deteriorated. We share a car and I don't have enough money to pay for groceries and the car. She complains that she has to make the car payment and insurance payment. I feel bad but until I finish school I am using 1/2 of my money to care for her and my almost 50 year old brother who lives there and does nothing. I tried to appease her by being home all the time, but I gained a lot of weight and now have Type 2 Diabetes. I have to go to a gym to workout to get the weight off. My mom did not give in to me going out until she saw how sick I got.
Still, if I go out with friends she feels I have no reason doing it because my time is better spent at home taking care of her and not using any extra money I have for clothes, entertainment, etc. When I am home, she won't allow me to clean the house as I want. She has become a hoarder. She fights with me even if I don't throw anything away. Her room is disgusting and I can't even get through it. If I try to clean her bathroom she yells and says mean things to me and tells me to get out.
She also cannot move around much, but whenever my brother and his wife come over with their kids, she begins to cook a huge meal and expects me to fall in line and help her or take over without anyone else's help. I work full time on my feet with a very physical job. I also go to school full time, and I have a business on the side of cleaning two offices. This is the only way I can afford gas when I buy groceries.
I'm stressed. I am only good as I was the day before. Each day I have to prove myself, do what she wants, or I am either deemed as disrespectful or unthankful. I have no life of my own, and just the thought of me having a love interest makes her extremely angry at me. I am so miserable and sad. At times I want to just end my life. I can't leave her because everyone will make me the bad guy, but living like this is worse than dying. I have 3 other brothers and sisters and I am the main one who does everything. I also have a syndrome that leaves me extremely tired. This along with the diabetes is very hard to deal with, but my mom only says how she has had it hard and I am younger and should have no problem doing what she asks. The truth is that I do.
I don't think there is an answer to any of this. I'm just venting.