I need help and guidance...FAST!

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my parents have come back from living in florida at my request, since my mother got sick with alheimers and parkinsons. at the same time, they went into total financial devastation and presently have nothing. I wanted them to live close but before my father could find an affordable apartment, his lease was ending in florida and was coming to ny without a place to live. I felt sick about thinking that they had no place to go and invited them to live with me, my husband and my 2 teenagers in our apartmemnt until he found a place. We got them on senior housing lists in the areaand the plan was always for him to find a place and move.... but the waiting lists are forever. In the meantime, while my parents were here for a visit about 3 months before the scheduled move, my dad said, "maybe i won't look so quickly if we are all comfortable. at the time, all i could think about was relieving him and i too quickly responded "so don't." now they have been here for a month and every day i am becoming more and more depressed. I don't have any privacy and i feel like my life is over. I want to talk to my dad but i am so afraid that he will feel kicked out. My husband has been amazing but he would also like his life back. I know life will never be the same having them here but I need guidance in how/where to get them out. I want to be there for them but I am really unhappy living like this. I'm just not myself anymore and I am becoming increasingly sad and angry. Someone please help


How logical is your dad? I asked, because I was thinking if you could get him to take a trip down memory lane, he might well remember what it was like when he and your mom finally had an empty nest and some privacy. Now if he and your mom weren't happy being alone FINALLY, then I guess that won't work. But if I were in your place, I'd be painting your dad a 'word picture' so that he can understand how this was supposed to be a 'temporary' living situation, and that you and your hubby are looking forward to finally having that privacy that your dad and his wife enjoyed. Other than that, you're just going to have to be honest and tell him that you don't want to wreck the relationship you and your family have with them, so time to get back to the original idea of 'temporary'. Good luck.
You need to have a talk with your dad and explain that allthough you love being with him and your mom that is just isn't working out the way you wanted it too. Explain that the space in the apartment is just not big enough for an additional 2 people to live, Also if you have teenagers, they will want to bring friends home from time to time and that may create frition within the household. I think your dad
will understand about space and having teenagers in the house. I tried having my mother live with me and believe me it was not easy. My husband was a saint through it all but its like having another baby in the house. Always making sure they have everything they need from food to transportation. When I explained the issues with my mom she took it remarkable well and went to live with my neice. I must say that I was not well either. Good Luck to you but please have that long talk with dad he just might be feeling the same but afraid he will hurt you by stating he want his own place as well.
Good advice above, have to take into consideration your teenagers. I had one teenager at home and two in college when MIL came to living with us. My youngest who was 17 at the time was a sweetheart, but dealling with the difficult grandmother to too much and my daughter was crying a lot as she keeps everything insidel. We all want to help, but it cannot always be forever; especially when teenagers are involved - being a good parent is extremely important as well. Take care.
Dancin12: How are your parents finances at this point? They have been living with you for one month and, from what you said, it sounds like they may need a little time to get on their feet financially. Maybe not, but do you have a good idea of how much money they have in the bank, etc?

Do your children bring friends over. If they do, but have stopped since the GP's moved in, encourage them to do it as that will also give your parents an idea of how close the quarters are.

It could be that your dad has been overwhelmed with the financial losses and your mom's health problems. He may be feeling like he needs a little down time before starting over again. He might be afraid or depressed or just happy to be someplace secure.

Maybe you could start by checking into apartments in your area that you think your folks can afford. Ask your dad if the two of you can look around at what's available so he and your mom can see what they can get in various rent prices and areas. Often there is the problem of a first and last month rent and deposit. Most places run credit checks too, so it's good to see what things cost and start the planning process.

Maybe you could say something to your dad about rent adds that you've seen and mention that, eventually, everyone is going to need more space. Hey, Dad, let's get out of the house and look around at what there is out there and what things cost. Be sure to tell him that you are not trying to rush them, just want to get an idea of what to plan for.

Maybe your folks will see a little place that they love and that will get them excited about the next step.

I know how awkward this is for you, but try some gentle nudging and keep telling them how happy you are that they will be living close to you now.

I wish you good luck and a graceful transition. Hugs, Cattails
thank you to all above. You are right cattails. My dad has been overwhelmed and does need a little time to get his bearings. My husband suggested we do some work without them at first. They only have their ss and a very small pension. nothing else left. Thanks to all who commented. I think I need support as much as them. This is much more challenging than I gave it credit. I will give gentle nudges as you suggested and i appreciate the positive responses. it helps bring the stress level down so I can think clearly again.
nice, thoughtful response from Cattails - I liked her recommendations. Do hope things work out for your parents and for you.
Dancin12: So many of us on this thread have been through difficult moments and years of care taking. We are here to give you support with your situation. Keep us posted on what is happening. It's a good place to vent and get some honest validation from others who understand what you are going through. Let the steam off here and it will help you cope better with the day to day. Stay in touch. Hugs, Cattails
Let's see, if you say something to your dad, you might hurt his feelings. If you don't say something you become increasingly depressed and resentful.

Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Do it kindly. Do it gradually, leading up to it over time. Do it with actions such as apartment hunting. Do it any way that works. And if you try some ways that don't work, try some other ways. But above all, just do it!
Dear dancin - how u holding up?

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