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I agree with all the above. Disengage. You will never please these two. They love the drama and someone to pick on. When asked why your kids don't visit, tell them you don't want them near the negativaty. There is something about your personality that makes them feel they can do this. Believe me, I know. Let them be the first to call and if they get started tell them u aren't taking the abuse anymore and hang up. And, if either ever needs help, let someone else help. You can help in other ways without getting involved.
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Lolipop, take him to emergency. He could have a number of things. Stroke, UTI, ect.
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Chese after many years of trying to build decent relationships with my mother and sister who are similar to yours i have finally cut contact with my sister and maintain only the minimal contact necessary with my mother to see her needs are met as I am her POA. I have been to many counsellors over the years but am only starting to feel safe after taking the steps above. I do recommend counselling as they will help you set healthy boundaries
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Acceptance is the key here. You must accept that nothing you do or say will change the situation with which you are faced. You said yourself you have apologized, made amends, etc. In fact, you have become their scapegoat and doormat. Remember this: Nothing changes if nothing changes. You have no power over people, places or things. The only power u have is how you react to the world around you. Take your family and remove it from this toxic situation. And, if it means keeping them from seeing your children, well so be it. Protect yourself and protect your children. As was already stated, when the drama starts, leave the room (or home), ask them to leave, hang up the phone, whatever the situation warrants. Just because someone starts a war doesn't mean you have to invite yourself into it. Please remember, this is up to you. If you choose to remain in the situation and change nothing, then what you will get is the same drama. Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Good luck and God Bless to you and your family.
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lolipop2, Call an ambulance.

Also, this is the wrong thread for this question. Go back to the home page and go to questions. You will find one that will give you much more help.

Lots of us have problems with our husbands. We can give lots of advice.
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Yes, we can help you get on the right track. But you need a specialist to help you get to the finish line of complete healing. You deserve complete healing.
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I have been caring for my husband for a week now and one day he's good and the next worse. It's the holiday weekend and I can't get help. What can I do? He can't walk at all.
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Distance yourself from them. You have your family. Your allegiance is to them.
Having them exposed to your toxic past is not in their best interest.
Protect your kids from them. Make it clear to Mom and sis if they want to see your kids that you will not tolerate any of the abusive tactics they have always engaged in.
When visiting, if they start - get up - take your kids and leave. A simple "It's time to go" will suffice. Repeat as necessary.
If they don't change - you have done your best and it's time to make your own life without them.
Family are the ones who love each other, have each others back, and do their best to make each other happy.
Just because you have same blood lines - doesn't always make a family.
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Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to all of the above. I am going to print out the comments and keep with me each and every day and look at and be reminded. Please keep the wisdom coming. You are my therapists!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
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Wow, MaggieMarshall, that is a powerful story.
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I knew two sisters who became bitter enemies.

Sistee #1 spent her entire life trying to somehow beat down the other sister. To prove that other sister was wrong to all who would listen. Lied about her...cheated her out of her rightful inheritance...bitter jealousy that ate at her until she became too senile to remember she HAD a sister.

Sister #2 went to counseling and came to terms that her sister was toxic to her and that she had become addicted to the drama as they each tried to one-up the other. She elected to completely disengage with her sister and that toxic relationship and concentrate on the blessings that abounded in her immediate family.

Which sister are you?
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The comments above mine are spot on. You need a life for you, and happiness with your husband and children. You only get one life, and the same is true for the kids you raised. I would distance myself from this toxic group, with no malice, but a smile or a note that says you love them, but that you will not participate any longer in the hate, for that's what it is. Why in the world would you encourage your children to see them if your mother and sister cannot abide by common human decency? That's your question to them!

See a therapist to talk this out, as long as it takes, and go home and love your husband and children. You owe nothing further to your mother and sister. I wish you all the best, but get out of this before it kills you...and don't take any guilt with you.
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Like you, I had a dysfunctional family, perhaps not as bad as your situation but nonetheless overwhelming. With the wisdom of age, all I can say are the following. We cannot chose our parents or siblings. We cannot change other people. We do not have to become our parents. My late mother had good and bad qualities. I have chosen to possess her good qualities but not the bad. Holding on to resentment or hatred for what others have done to us hurts us more than them. We have to let go of the past. We deserve a happy life. Blood is thicker than water so don't choke on it.
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I agree with both of the above.

It is often called "detaching with love." You need to do it.

You are all grown up and have your own husband, home and family. Love and care for them and pray once a day ONLY for your mother and sister.

Also, you need to start seeing a therapist. Not because you are crazy but because a therapist can really help make you feel better about yourself..

cheserasera, you have done all you could. You have apologized. They are now just torturing you. Drop it. Leave it. Take care of your own family.
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Some people cannot forgive others and it makes them sick and bitter and vindictive. They become hurtful. They make life miserable for others. Yes the situation becomes toxic.

You need to separate in your mind what you can change and what you cannot. To achieve serenity. To do that will take some time and lots of effort. You do need help. There is a reason psychologists are called shrinks. They help shrink people's problems down to a size that they can handle and help find resolutions. Your doctor should be able to make a referral to a therapist who specializes in family relationships. Shrink the problems of this relationship so they will no longer tear you apart.

My prayers are with you.
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Some families are just plain toxic. Why not work on your immediate family and distance yourself from the past? If you don't you will be inflicting all those negative emotions on your children and continuing the cycle. Some folks will never be fixed. Put your efforts in a more positive direction.
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