Health Care Directive Issue.
My mother is in an assisted living facility, she has been there for 3 years. Has done well and I LOVE the staff and feel she has been taken care of very well. I don't work outside of my home and I visit with my mom 3-4 times a week, as well as take her to ALL of her appointments. I pop in whenever I feel like it at any time and the facility knows me and knows I'm there frequently.
I was on vacation for 10 days, but right before I left, I had to take mom to urgent care, she was showing signs of extreme sudden confusion, she had a UTI, the first one she has ever had. She was put on a 7 day antibiotic and off I went on my vacation feeling confident that her facility would take good care of her.
While on vacation my sister, made frequent phones calls to check up on mom. She felt as if mom was not given the care she needed. Example: mom wouldn't come out of her room for meals, so they brought them in to her, they at times had to sit with her because she wouldn't eat, they also assisted her in eating or she would just leave the plate sitting there. They pushed fluids in her throughout the days. My sister felt they should have encouraged her more to come out of her room. She feels they just left her there. I feel they did their best, and she refused to come out at times. I know they cannot "force" her out of her room, she still has rights as a patient. I also believe, she was a bit depressed because I was out of town and not there as I usually am.
Her confusion hasn't gotten any better, her words come out as jibberish. It's been almost 4 weeks since the UTI. Her assisted living facility has recommend that mom be moved to memory care, because her level of care has gone up since she had the UTI and she has wandered out to the parking lot once and wandered out of her room in the middle of the night, and was immediately redirected in to her room, has flooded her kitchen area, forgotten how to wipe after using the toilet and that's just a few of the major things.
My sister came across some articles about the facility that mom is in, accusing the facility of neglect and abuse as well as a wrongful death lawsuit. All within the last 2 years.
My sister would like to move mom out of state to where she lives. My sister works full time, her husband is retired and preparing for his 3rd knee replacement surgery . I don't see how this would be a good idea, as they cannot oversee any of her care as well as I can, since that is basically my "job".
I would like to keep her where she is and move her to memory care, the staff knows mom and mom is familiar with the staff, even though she does not know them by name and probably forgets them in between them coming in to assist her. But I really feel that mom does know them, she sees them everyday and when they see mom and say hello, mom beams with a huge smile.
Despite the articles my sister has read (and I have read them as well) I still feel mom has gotten great care where she is and would like to keep her there.
There is another memory care facility in my area I could move mom to if that would ease my sisters mind. And we have not found any negative complaints anywhere.
But at this point, I believe that my sister feels I don't have mom's best interest in mind because I would like to keep mom where she is, despite the complaints we have read, when I can move her to another facility where we have read about no complaints.
I feel mom would do better in transition where she's at, because she knows everyone and is familiar with her surroundings. She has been over to memory care side numerous times, although she doesn't like it and says the people aren't real and scare her. It would be the same situation in any memory care, there will be patients that are lower functioning then herself.
I am her number 1 Health Care Directive. As far as I can tell, I have the ability to make all decisions for mom, this sister who want to move her to another state is number 3 directive, I've got another sister that is 2nd on the list, but isn't involved at all. Sorry so long!!
Any opinions or suggestions??