I am having a pity party today....when do I get to have a bad day?

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I know I am supposed to be upbeat and caring and all that "stuff". But today when I woke up I just wanted to let out a primal scream and break something. Today I want to left alone and not talk, just for today.....not going to happen. Please no therapy suggestions........they want to know how you felt from the first breath you took.......don't have the time or money for that. I feel that there is no way out. It is only going to get worse and worse. Thank you all for being here for me. This is not the real me, I don't think. I hope not at least. I feel that my light at the end of the tunnel is closing up. I will be ok tomorrow. I go to work and I love to go. Blast me if you want to. I'm just glad I found you all.

15 Comments

I'm sorry, I should have gone to the "whine" forum.
Hey...been there....I drove back and forth 5 miles several times a day for years....there were some days I could not hardly make myself go and take care of father.....Somedays it feels like you are a little child anticipating a spanking.....ARGH!
Go ahead and scream! Sounds like you need a walk around the block or an hour at the beauty shop! Find a piece of something ...anything for yourself and grab onto it....Find a way to get a little respite for yourself!
Whoever told you that you have to be "upbeat and caring and all that "stuff" " can't have been a caregiver. Everybody has their down days and that's OK, we are all just human after all. When you start to have more down times than positive ones watch out though, you will be approaching burn out.
Try to take some time to get out and away and think of something positive and happy, we all need to take time to recharge our emotional batteries!
All together now. Screeeeeeaaaam!

We're with you, tarajane.
Don't beat yourself up. We all know how you feel. For me every day was a down day.
Tarajane, I'll just bet that your initial question ,is one we all ask ourselves at least one day a week, if not more! I'll join in on The Big Scream! Like you said, it's probably just one of those days, and this to shall pass! Join us over on the Whine, for a great outlet for your frustrations and a lot of laughter as well, a nicer bunch of people, I have never met, literally! Lol! This forum as a whole, has been such a comfort to me, and I wish I had found it sooner! You All, are always in my thoughts and prayers!
I have sat in the car on the way back from my mom's place and screamed and screamed at the heavens. Until I was hoarse. And crying. And it feels wonderful! Very tiring, but in a good way. So yes, been there, done that - as has any caregiver! (And I've probably scared the h*ll out of fellow drivers who pass me as I'm having my loud meltdown - with my windows up of course!). :)
Well, people, I feel better now. Boy did that scream feel good. But now my throat hurts ! LOL I go to work tomorrow for 5 hours and I love it there! I get to talk to people that don't have a new ache or pain every minute, or trying to find things for him all day ! . Next week I am going to get my hair cut...luxury for me. I am also planning a vacation to FL next May or June whether we will be able to go because of the Dementia or not. At least I can pretend now. I am a list maker, it calms me so I will make a travel list. We have been able to go to FL every year for week or two or three in the 48 years we have been married. When I think about going I feel the endorphins kick in and I sort of get a giddy feeling. We have always love FL, the nature side, NOT the commercial side. 7 months is a long time to plan but if it helps me, and it does I'll do it. I really do care for you all..what a nice group of people I have found. Hugs to all of you and of course prayers. Thank you ;-)
Tara, I had many mornings I would have liked to sceam! How is the Seroquel working?
Tarajane, congratulations on being married that long. That is really an accomplishment. Best wishes to you and your spouse.

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