I have to keep reminding myself she can't help it....

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Got to Mom's last night and she had taken all the Wal-Mart bags out of the can we keep them in (we reuse them) and put them on the floor. She proceeds to tell me that she wants them moved because the can they were in she wants for her diapers. She wanted to leave the room, and the mess that she made, and go get some ice cream. She is in a wheelchair so she cannot do that herself. In fact, there isn't much she can do herself except make a mess and then get on to whoever is there to "clean that up". I have to remind myself that she is slipping, and her dementia symptoms are getting progressively worse.

She can't help the condition she is in. I know that, but boy howdy is it hard to realize that the woman who was your scout leader, held parties every month for all their friends, made all your clothes and even your Barbie doll clothes, isn't there anymore. She is a shell of what she used to be. I think the main reason that I lose my patience with her is that I am so sad that she is this way. This is no way to live.


Awwe... I know it is so hard to watch. I miss my Dad too.. the one that was there for me, who was a skilled artist , who loved to fish, who advised me on all things mechanical.... I just miss him.

Boy I know what you mean. I took my mom out for lunch and got her a take-out order of biscuits and gravy (her favorite), for future breakfasts. I brought the containers to the restaurant to make her four servings to freeze. I told her when she got out of the car to put them in her freezer. I called her a few minutes after she got home and asked her if she put them in the freezer. She assured me she did. Asked her again that evening when I talked to her. Yes, she'd put them in the freezer.

I went over to shower her today (two days later) and there they were, all in the fridge, but not the freezer. GAH. I don't know whether to scream or cry. I know I have to make her get up while I'm on the phone to make sure they're in the freezer in the future. But it's frustrating as all get out. Hugs...from one frustrated caregiver to another.
Yes, always remember they can't help it. It's useless to scold, correct, and point out the mistakes. I remember when I first noticed my dad slipping mentally about 4 years ago. He was trying to get an old car of my brothers started and I saw the problem immediately. (Corroded battery terminals) Dad had showed me how to always look for this as the first possible solution when I was 12 years old. We are , or were, both electricians, now retired, and this is basic stuff. But Dad was totally baffled. I was shocked. I began paying close attention to his behaviour and saw many signs of early dementia. I didn't learn how to deal with it until I discovered this site a few months ago. He is still a sweet, easy going old guy, but he gets some stupid idea in his head and you ain't a gonna convince him otherwise, no way no how. So I don't try to anymore, just bob, weave and roll with it.

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