I really need to vent, I hate taking care of my grandmother.
i just dont even know where to start.. I hate my grandmother for every thing she has put me 41yo and my mom 63yo and my girls 18yo and 20yo through. Our lifes have been stolen from us.. grandma is very controlling and manipulating and hatful and a drama queen has been all her life .. the last 7 years we have been caring for grandma mom works and i am home all the time with grandma and my girls. there have been a lot of times i have wanted to just walk out but i cant leave my mom that way... mom and i were very close at one time but i feel that is changing i am starting to place blame on mom ...because i feel she is not listening to my wants and needs... my girls are behind in life because i cant get out to take them to do the things they need to do like get a Drivers License... my oldest is graduating in May. she finshed school online because they were being picked on at school. so we have to go 4 hours away for her to walk and get her deploma ... but mom will not be able to go because my grandmothers other children refuse to help with her and cant be trusted.. my husband died in 1997 so it has been me and mom raising the girls and it is important for her to be there.. this really pisses me off... i feel my kids are starting to hate me because i cant get us out of this situation.. the house we live in is mineits all i have .. i cant work for caring for grandma so if i walk i walk with nothing and i cant do that to my kids ...grandma is very nasty she does nasty things like dig her self out because she has abused Laxatives all her life now she cant go to the pot on her own .. then she touches the sink handles and leaves it for us to clean up .. grandma just turned 91 ... she says she is not able to do things but then we catch her doing them when she thinks no one is looking ... she will walk right past the bathroom to her room and use the potty chair in her room then take it to the bathroom to empty does that make scens.the potty chai was bought for her to use at night . she refuses to use her walker.. she lays in bed all day and night picking her teeth she says she has hair growing in her mouth.. last night after mom worked all day grandma wanted mom to go dig out her old vcr... out of the shed to hook it up to see if it still worked... mom told her that she had worked all day and she was tiered and it could wait... grandma said you never think any thing i want in inportant... mind you we do every thing for grandma give her a bath ( every thing ) feed her and some time if she does not like what we have made we have to make somthing else for her.. i feel my life has been stolen away and all i want is my life back...i cant even go out in the yard... i am so sick of feeling imprisoned .. my mom has a brother and a sister who refuse to do any thing to help .. they just cause more trouble for us ... my uncle is my grandmothers god child .. she treats him like a god and my mom is the dog crap every one gets to walk on and that pisses me off ...i dont know how much more i can take i try to bite my toung but it is getting harder and harder i grew up with out my family around it was always me mom and grandma .grandma and i have never really got along because of how she is . we moved to MI to be close to family but i dont want a darn thing to do with them they have showed me just who they are in the past 7 years.. i am full of hate and i dont like feeling this way but every day brings more hate...the last 2 nights i have caught my grandmother masterbating and all i can think is if she has the stringth to do that she can do more for her self .. let alone thats not somthing my girls should have to see my grandmother doing.. i feel lost and alone dont have any one to talk to about it. i could talk to mom but i dont want to hurt her because what i feel is twords her mom.. my oldest daughter hates my grandmother she has told her she hates her .. my youngest just holds it all in she talks to me some times and she hates grandma to.. some times the things that run through my mind scare me i am not that person and i love my kids to much.. our situation is very toxic ...i just wish jesus would take her... does that sound selfish ... i dont even know if i should post this some one will think bad of me... i really hate how my life is right now... i want to go shoping with my mom and girls again.. i want to go camping with them...i want to go out in the yard and sit around the fire.. i want to go see a movie with them.. i want to be able to be a normal mom to my girls again.. i want to laugh again.. signed lost and alone and tiered