I hate my life.

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i am a single 51 year old female. i suffer from clinical depression and 3 years ago peri-menopause symptoms started. i moved my mother, now 92, in with me 6 years ago and am struggling to take care of her. is there anyone out there that gets me???


There are lots of 50 something women reading and writing here, and I've read comments from quite a few who admit to needing antidepressants. Is there anything specific you need help with?
I think I "get" you, andree, although our situations are not identical. I had postpartum depression after childbirth twice, so it probably shouldn't have surprised me that it started up again during perimenopause. At about that time my husband fell from a ladder onto a cement floor, on his head. This was life-changing for me. He did recover, but was not himself for an entire year, until a psychiatrist convinced him he had some brain damage due to the fall, and needed an anti-depressant to compensate. Wow! That gave me my husband back. (Until 9 years later when he developed dementia, but that is another topic.)

From seeing my husband's dramatic experience and from my own history I will say that dealing with true clinical depression is not a do-it-yourself project. (I'm not talking about feeling down once in a while. But measurable depression that lasts and lasts.)

You didn't really ask for advice, but that seldom stops me. I hope you are regularly seeing a mental health care provider and are compliant with the instructions given. Meds can be an absolute lifesaver, and talk therapy can be useful, especially in stressful situations such as caregiving. You can't talk yourself out of a hormone inbalance or screwed up chemistry or a blow to the head. I don't think talk therapy alone can help in those cases. But very often because we have been depressed we have other issues we haven't been able to handle well, and that is where some therapy can help.

If I haven't completely turned you off with unsolicited advice, and you'd like to discuss specific problems you are having in your caregiving, just give some more details.
There are some excellent responses above. I'd just add that sometimes, if we are not reasonable in the demands we put on ourselves, it can play havoc with our state of mind. I'm not sure what the caretaking entails for your 92 year old mother, but, I might try to get an evaluation for her needs. IF they say that she needs around the clock care 24/7, then, I'd question if you may be overextended. I'd think that would only add to your clinical depression. I'd discuss it with my doctor and get their advice.
Menopause is normal; chronic depression isn't. You're still young and the choices you make in your fifties will significantly impact your quality of life in your sixties and beyond. It sounds to me like you know something needs to change but don't know where to start. Your use of the word "hate" suggests that you are overwhelmed. What is a small change you can make today that would make you feel a little better?
I get you, andree. I too suffer from clinical depression and have ever since my marriage ended about 15 years ago. (I was also in perimenopause at the time and that certainly didn't help). I am taking antidepressants, and they do make a world of difference. Being tethered to my mother for the last 6+ years has not been easy, and I don't think I could manage living with her. I did it for a while and I just hated my life too much.

I don't know what your mother's care needs are, but it's important that you take your own needs into account as well. Maybe you need to consider the possibility that living together might not be the best arrangement for either you or her.

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