The hardest decision I've ever made-mum or my family?
I have been inspired by so many of you here and i have also read from so many of you about the burnout you all feel and because of this I've re evaluated my situation with my mum. She was diagnosed with alzheimer's recently and can no longer drive. I quickly did what i thought was right and picked her up every day,took her to shops,ect. I soon realised things weren't that simple. Mum has been quite distant to me since her and dad got divorced 10 yrs ago. I chose to have a relationship with both parents but to mum,I chose dad,not her and concequently put me in a very unflattering light to alot of people by telling alot of untruths. I would ask her to come over but she'd never turn up ect. Part of it was the dimentia but part was still her. She made my younger sister POA and executor to her will ,which my sister relished. She has control issues and is a little selfish. She has no children and a boozy partner. I told my sister i was ok with her being poa and would support her. Recently, my sister made mention she had a "spare" key card to mums accounts (which i thought was odd) ,never the less I thought it could actually come in handy in the sense that i could use it to get mums groceries sometimes instead of trampsing 3 young children and a dimentia elder round the shops-particularly at xmas. We are struggling financially and cant really afford to fork out $170 for a carton of cigarettes plus shopping ect. To my horror,sister said "no,i can't just let you use it whenever you want for anything you want". Naively, i again explained how difficult it is sometimes to take mum with 3 kids shopping(as shes never even taken mum to the shops ònce) and her response was "cant you just take her to the shops?".. . Yes, she is completely ignorant to the fact as she has no children but it set a standard of what i was to expect as mums carer -not an ounce of support at all,only critisism. My sister said she'd take a day off each week to take mum shopping and cook her meals for the week-that was 2 months ago and hasn't happen once. I also noticed mum didnt have guardianship papers in place so i printed them up and put just myself as guardian (i dont know if its normal to have just one guardian or not) as i didnt really think sister would care and she put up such a fuss about being left out that the doctor wouldnt sign them (she rang the doct and refused to agree with the papers). Ive since seen notes at mums where her brothers and my sister have rung and told her to write down "any pwr of guardian papers must have both girls names on it" and other variations. I then realized the depth of mums untruths had run through her side of the family and noone trusted or liked me. Its early days and this is already having effects on my family. Hubby also works away and is so supportive. My beautiful 2 boys have commented how much time ive spent looking after Nana and why cant someone else. Soooo, I decided (after a comlete meltdown and some emotional moments with hubby) that it wasnt important for me to have my name on any papers. My sister can do the lot and will have to step up. I can still take mum out and arrange to have time with her and the kids to ènjoy and create good memories for the kids with nan rather than only remembering shopping trips they loath. When i can,ill take mum shopping, but i cant bust my ass and let my family suffer. If i was going to get support from family,it'd be different. This is a loooong road were on and its only going to get harder. I feel like ive chosen my family OVER my mum and feel just awful yet at the same time I know I've made the right choice to step back. How so many of you care permenantly for years is a true testament to your strenght. Has anyone else ever done this. Im still feeling quite awkward about my decision.