How to handle my 94-year-old Mum who is aggressive, demanding etc.
Mum is widowed, ex country girl lives independently in a retirement village, 95% blind, feeble but in generally satisfactory health.
As her 70 year old son, I am her ONLY carer other than Blue Care who look after her medication three times daily and prepare meals for her.
As a consequence of her 24/7 demands on me, never ending criticism of my apparent failings as a son, I am now on medication for severe depression and she has pretty well wrecked the last ten years of my family life. She refuses to listen to anything I suggest to her or want to do to make things easier for her and every time we get together or on the phone a screaming crying argument results.
She is as viscious and cruel as a person can be, telling me she is going to see my doctor and have me committed as there is "something wrong with me", tells me about all the other oldies whose children do so much for their parents and not a single day goes past when she isn't making me feel like something lower than what you would find on the bottom of your shoe!
But she is my Mum and I do love her but she has driven everyone away from her due her understandable frustration with being basically blind and inability to look after herself.
Her doctor says she is way way past looking after herself but her self but as she has a little ten year old dog that yis the only thing that matters in her life (ahead of me even) she refuses to move as there are no care facilities who will take in pets with the level of care she requires.
She often calls me five to seven times a day, always wanting me to do something, help her introduce crazy schemes into her unit and always demanding, demanding ............. And then breaks down and starts saying she is going to kill herself as I don't love her or understand her anymore!
My not-great health is never any concern to her and though I suffer 24/7 chronic pain myself, she never has the slightest amount of sympathy for me, always me, me, me!
I have literally given up my retirement life trying to look after her and now my own married life is far from happy as a consequence. She has had local ministers, care groups, doctors and everybody possible trying to tell her she must move for the good of not only herself but for me also!
We have no relatives who will share her care and she and my wife have never got on from day one. It I so bad we have had dialed recognition installed on our phone so we can not answer it when she calls, and that is sad!
Mum is as tough, cold and uncaring as it is possible for a woman to be and whist I can appreciate her situation in life, I am now seriously considering selling up my wonderful home nearby and moving well away from her!
I am lost, done, finished and no idea who t go to for help as there is moody no can get through to her and make her understand. She has a zero short termd memory that makes everything worse but no sign of Dimentia or Alzeimers disease.
Life for me isn't worth going on as I battle with depression and pain every day as I have for the last twenty three years and I myself am now looking towards the day when I fall off my perch!
What a life eh?