How do I handle a sex crazed husband with dementia. I have no interest in him at all. He is just too sick.

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Everyday is a constant battle with him over sex. I to the point that I wish I could just leave. I want to care for him but not in that way.


I have exactly the same problem!! He is demanding in every way. Wants to handle business and finances, resents me because I have POA. He is sneaky, he lies, he'll do anything to get whatever he wants. He's in assisted living and wants out. Dr. told him he can no longer handle finances, legal issues, important matters and can not drive. He does not understand why no matter how many times I, the doctor, the nurse at AL tell him. He calls and wants me to take him somewhere so he can discuss a "business deal". He left me with many financial problems and many items to sell which were foolish purchases he made when he actually had dementia, but before he was diagnosed. Tells me the only reason the doctor told him all this is because I requested it, not true. He is always upset with me, but wants sex from me. Doesn't understand why I don't. Today he asked me if I want a divorce. He called his attorney today. If he can't handle legal issues how can he request a divorce. He says he does not want a divorce. He wants to know how we can "solve this problem". I'd go along with a divorce, but there's no way either of us would financially survive. How do you handle this. Does he realize he has dementia?
No My husband is still home and does not think anything is wrong with him. He stays upset and confused most of the time. I reject him multiple times a day. He used to throw tantrums but had to be hauled off twice. I fought to bring him home but now do not know if I can handle him. He gets so mad that I am afraid to go back to sleep sometimes. We have a grown son that lives with us (thank God) I would not feel safe alone with him. He has made sexually comments outloud around our grown children. He will call his elderly parents to "tell on me" for not wanting sex with him. He talks about it with my grown daughter. I am at the end of my rope with him!!! I want to care for him and hope he would have done the same with me but know I wonder. I do not have POA over him. His disability goes into our account and I pay the bills. He wants a divorcell the time but in the same breath will tell me how much he loves me. UGG!! I was just wandering if others are going threw the same situation and how they handle the sex thing.
I know exactly how you feel. It's a little easier since he's in AL, but the fear of the money not lasting keeps me awake at night and upset all day. Yes, I also understand the divorce remarks. He says I'm the most important person to him and then he talks about divorce. I wonder if they even remember the remarks they make. I don't understand their demands for sex. It has to be all in the head, I don't think they would be capable of it if they tried. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, I was thinking I was the only one with that particular problem. It's interesting that your husband talked to your parents about the topic; my parents are gone, but he called a close friend of mine and complained to her about this. It's so hard to try to explain anything to them; they truly do not get it! It must be terrible to have dementia.....they think they are normal, although the nurse at AL today told me she thinks it's much harder on me than it is on him. I haven't been feeling well lately, whenever he makes all these demands on me I feel a flaming roller coaster in my stomach!! Have you ever considered AL? It's such a big decision, not to mention a big expense, but, nurse, therapists, social workers, friends, family....except his family of course, told me if he came home I would be sick and it would destroy me....I'm feeling rather sick now. Just wish I had an answer for you. What do you mean by hauled off, did you have to call the police, I've been advised by the doctor and AL that is he gives me serious problems when I take him somewhere that that is what I should do and apparently it's happens frequently with dementia patients. Thanks for contacting me, it's good to have someone to talk to who understands the problems.
I called the 911 the first time because he was acting too weird and they sent a ambulance. The hospital transferred him to a temporary place for dementia patience's. He came back home for about a week and had to go back. The second time the police came. They were so professional and nice to me. My husband at the time were telling the police and anyone else that my our son and I were having sex (yuk) My husband kept calling 911 from the hospital to have me arrested. The stories go on and on. The seroquel seems to be helping some. My husband is just 56. They suggested to put him into a nursing home but I brought him home. I would just hope he would fight for me if the roles were reversed. I want to care for him but he may not let me. I still work too. I am exhausted!!!
I really do admire you for trying to handle this, especially since you are still working. 56 is really young. My husband is 81, I'm 70. I don't understand where some of the freaky ideas come from and they really are convinced that it's a fact. My husband takes ativan twice daily which I believe helps the anxiety; but he still gets incredibly upset. I think the aricept slows down the progression of the dementia. Just so sad that there is really not much that can be done and it gets worse, not better. Good luck to you. Hope you can find some way to get some rest and peace!
Well ladies, I have to say how much I appreciate you talking about this issue. I don't have the problems you have. My husband is fine, but I've had the care of my parents for 7 years. So I can't say I share your issues.

Still, I admire you greatly for bringing this up because I think others will benefit from the discussion. You may get other comments.

May I just say that I have been on this sight for close to a year and I have read that Ativan can have adverse affects on those with dementia. Star, check and see if there isn't something else he can take. Paxil is a good antidepressant that also addresses anxiety. I don't know why Ativan can cause problems with those with dementia, but I have heard others comment on it more than a few times. Do some research.

Upallnight: If your husband's doc can't come up with some meds to calm your husband down, I think you need to seriously consider other living accommodations. Does your husband go to an MD...primary care physician for his treatment? If so, you should get him an appointment with a geriatric doc and, if need be, from there to a specialist in ALZ.

My heart goes out to both of you. Sending you both love and encouragement. Don't forget that you need to look out for yourselves too. Hugs, Cattails
My father is acting in this way too, sexually inapproppriate, angry, paranoid, convinced my mother and his children are stealing all his money. My mother stays with him. Sometimes, when he is not angry, he seems devoted to her. Someone told me it was common for men of his generation to resent their wives. We a;so worked hard to bring him home from a nursing home where he was held in a locked ward. We don't want him to go back there. I fear his frugality and paranoia about spending money would not let him be comfortable in assisted living. Would they put up with angry abusive outbursts there. I do not know. It helps to hear these problems exist for others. Thanks for sharing your experiences
Caregivers face many different difficulties and sharing experiences is helpful for all. I don't have suggestions for the problem under discussion, but it is helpful to be aware of it. Thank you. Sometimes it helps me to remember than an exhausted caregiver is an ineffective caregiver. It is not selfish for the caregiver to take time to look after themself, it is essential.

All the best
I agree with Dirk, above. Welcome to the frustrating, sad and eye-opening world of Alzheimer's & dementia. Dealt with it with my 84 year old mother. She had early dementia. While not as bad as a lot of the excruciating stories I read on this site, it was bad enough to drive my father to anger, hitting her to "shut her up", and saying that he no longer loved her. I think he also made some decisions for her care that were more in his best interests than hers. He could never, no matter how many times or ways it was explained, understand what was going on with her. Nor, IMO, did he want to know. He wrote it off as stubborness and that she was doing the things that aggrivated him, on purpose. For those of you here entering this complex world for the firs time, please know, they are not aware of their bad behavior, nor are they doing it intentionally. They can become another unknown person, with a strange persona.

My advise...if your loved one has not seen a doctor and gotten the advise of a professional, you should do that immediately. There are various meds that can help tremendously in some cases, or at least reduce the bad behavior, in other cases. Then, depending on how the meds work, prepare yourself for a bumpy ride. Dementia & Alzheimer's are progressive and debilitating diseases...they are only going to get worse. And your circumstances will only get worse too. So, it's time to start considering another facility, another place for them to live and be cared for. Investigate in home care or assisted living or Alzheimer's units in nursing homes where personnel have received special training to deal with such patients. You need to consider your welfare as well.

Don't be afraid to seek-out advise, especially from the loved ones' doctor. Read information about the disease so you won't be surprised or caught off guard. Many articles can be found on this site. Prepare yourself, especially mentally, for what's coming! Try to get away to relax and calm yourself frequently, so that you don't lose control or do something you'll regret later. Know will have tough decisions to make. Probably the toughest you have ever had to consider. You will go through a range of emotions, including anger and guilt. That is normal.
The best advise I can give you is to inform and prepare yourself. I wish you and your loved one and family...patience and peace.
Ok...seriously. Read the comments here. Living through it myself I know they ALL ring true. People are hurting and suffering out here because of AD...and its not just the patients...its the rest of us too (sometimes MORE). SOMETHING has to be done to provide relief...we all can't go on like this.

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