Guilt over Mom going to a nursing home.
Mom lived with myself and my 2 teens for the last 8 yrs. When Moms COPD progressed and she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, she decided it was time for Hospice. when we noticed she was sleeping alot, and her moods changed faster than Indiana weather, I started paying attention to her more. We noticed she was falling asleep standing up, sleeping all day, up all night. Bad irregular bowel movements ( I knew cause someone would yell the toilet was stopped up again ), not eating more than finger foods, and couldnt stay on topic, got mad at us because she didnt understand what was bieng said to her.... Id ask her if shed taken her meds, and she started not remembering, and would double dose. Shed become anxious and started taking meds from the comfort kit from hospice, and she would double dose it in front of me. Myself, the hospice team, and my sisters felt she wasnt safe at home ( hey , I have to work)... we had Mom placed in a nursing home. Now before you label me, understand that Mom and I had been dicsussing the fact that her health was getting worse, and she told me several times she wanted to go to a nursing home, to be around other adults and play cards etc.
So we get Mom into a nursing home, and ya , you guessed it, she HATES it. Her roomate was a piece of work , Mom asked for a new room. Now the nursing home isnt bad, not state of the art, but the staff do care. I talked to Mom yesterday (after she kicked me out of her room , then asked me to come back) and told her she could either cont to feel sory for herself and stay in bed, or she could get up and see what was offered. She seemed kind of indifferent.but did come out of her room for about 45 min..
I understand that she feels betrayed, alone, and scared, but what can I do ? I check in with her and talk on the ph, when we go see her , she lashes out, and the nurses tell me she mostly stays in bed. I asked the social services if they can encourage her to get up, and come out of her room, but the cant make her. I feel bad, shes my Mom, shes not hapy, she wasnt happy at the house either, and made us all miserable....please dont suggest I go see her more, a person can only handle so much negativity,,,, i dont want to pull away either, then shel feel abandoned....