Holidays make me feel guilty and torn.

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My father who has the spinal cord injury (10 years now) won't have anyone with him for thanksgiving. My mom (they are divorced) won't have anyone with her. My gma wants me to come claiming i spent it with my fiance' last year. My mom and gma have said do what's best for you but i also know feeling will be hurt. Next year we are going to try and have it at our home but my dad can't ever come b/c of his wheelchair and b/c he blames my mom for so many things that went wrong. I see my gma many time through the year. I see my mom lots through the year. I go out to my dads once a week at least. I'd rather be at work then deal with the holidays. No matter what i leave someone alone on a holiday and that makes me sad.

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For the most part, I've stopped celebrating the Holidays with family since my father passed in 1997. Tried to have a sort of reunion with the Puerto Rican side of the family 5 Thanksgivings ago, in which I was to do all the cooking. Sisters promised to bring sodas, desserts, napkins, and other knickknacks. By 8:00 pm, they still hadn't arrived. About 10:30 pm, after calling & calling their #s, those rats finally showed up. Mom, arm in arm with a half-drunken 30-something supposed to be her "marido" and all my sisters with their screechy kids and part-time boyfriends & husbands. With the exception of Noemi, who brought lots of empty Tupperware, all they brought was their mouths plus liquor to continue the party they were all supposed to be coming from. ... Then I had to run to a 24-7 Pathmark to get everything they couldn't "afford."

The sucker for punishment that I am, I served the food / drink, catered to just about their every whim (except finding a liquor store within 10 miles & putting it on my credit card), and cleaned the hurricane of debris they left behind.

I had stashed 2 turkey necks & organs in the back of the fridge so I could treat myself afterwards. ... Those suckers ate them too, and little by little slipped out of the house while I ran all over the place, with the occasional 30-second bathroom pitstop.

Never again. ... Now I only celebrate Halloween. Get a chance to dress up, scare the crap out of kids with my expensive, freakish constumes. This year was a satyr complete with life-like horns; last year it was H__ker Barbie on a Harley. Barbie girl won me $500 at a contest in Manhattan's West Village.

My point? ... Even though most people think the Holidays are to be spent with family, nobody said they all had to be blood-related. To be honest, every time I see mine here in the Bronx I want a transfusion. ... They make me want to pick up a bottle just to block it all out. So now I paint the town with people who really care about me. They don't use me, they don't abuse me. It's great to realize I do have choices for the Holidays.

Have fun!!!
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I spent every single.Christmas in my life, 58of them, with my mother. Sometimes it meant driving nine hours with three kids, two dogs, luggage, and presents all crammed in the car. Two years ago I moved my mother in with us so I could take care of her, so Christmas was finally spent at home. Many, many times I considered staying home and not seeing her, but in the end I always went, knowing it would break het heart if I didn't go. My mom passed away November 4th of dementia. I cherish the memories of all those Christmases spent with her, even though they certainly had their share of family drama. This will be my first Christmas spent without her. I am so glad that I spent the time with her while I was able and I have no regrets now, just memories to get me through.
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I, too, wish you all a very Blessed Thanksgiving and hope you can find peace of mind and body. Be good to yourselves, too!
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It is said God dosen't give you anymore than you can handle. How many times did I say this to myself over the past year and I made it thru it all. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, A special prayer for all those walking our shoes.
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Osomerset... you are AMAZING!

What a good person you are, after all you have been through yourself to be the care taker of your mom. I was the care giver for my mom, but I was essentially healthy and I know it is a very challenging job.

God bless you for being so good to your mom! I hope you are taking good care of yourself and finding a way for have joy and happiness in your life. You are an inspiration to those of us who find our roles challenging at times.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
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I adhere to this belief, if God brings it to us, He'll see us through it! My spirituality has been instrumental in sustaining the challenges of taking care of an aging and ailing parent. I had two strokes in April 2011, after I was released from the hospital, I assumed my role as primary care taker of my mother. It hasn't been easy and there are times I ask our Lord, "Why me Lord?" So far so good, I've learned a lot about myself and have been able to forgive an abusive parent that if you had told me two years ago that I'd be taking care of my mom, I would have told laughed! One thing I've learned, 'Never say never!' Happy Thanksgiving to all!
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I hope everyone has a blessed holiday.
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I'm an over giver and a people pleaser- things i'm working on. I'm trying to step away from the guilt and see if it is something i really should feel bad about. I'm doing the best i can and i shouldn't feel guilty about that. I give where i can but also have to take care of myself and what is good for me. I love them and they know that. It really helped to talk this out. Thank you!
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Guilt can be your inner voice telling you something or guilt can be a way of beating yourself up. There are some things you can control and somethings you cant control. Your family dynamics appear very complicted. If there are steps that you can take to heal old wounds then now is the time while your family members are still around. But the dynamics may have nothing to do with you and in that case you have nothing to feel guilty about. One way or the other, guilt is non productive. Change what you can change and accept the things you cannot and love your family members in spite of their flaws. You can not please everyone all the time.
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lildeb,...... OLD, what's old? I remember that song.......LOL!! Happy Holidays and Godbless!!! =D
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